I.M. Slick invites you to play ‘Would you rather …’

My agent I.M. Slick dropped by the other day and asked if he could take over my column this week. I told him, “That depends. What do you have in mind?”

Here’s what followed.

I.M. Slick: Have you heard of a game where you have to pick between two very difficult and sometimes bad alternatives?

Joe: Yeah.

Slick: Let’s try something with both of your loyal readers.

Joe: Hey!

Slick: Just kidding. I’m sure there are more than two out there. Anyway, let’s play a little game of “Would you rather choose option A or option B?” It will test what’s most important to fans, coaches, athletes, and officials.

Joe: Sounds like it might be worth a try. Go ahead and fire away.

Slick: If you’re a K-State basketball fan, would you rather your team win the Big 12 championship, breaking KU’s 14-consecutive-year conference championship win streak, or would you rather your team go to the Elite Eight with a chance to go to the Final Four?

Joe: That’s a good one.

Slick: Here’s another one for KU hoops fans. Would you rather your team get blown out like they did by Auburn in the NCAA Tournament, or would you rather lose to Auburn on a last-second shot?

Joe: In other words, you’re asking KU fans which type of loss hurts less.

Slick: Exactly. Here’s another one for KU and K-State fans. Let’s say your team doesn’t make the Big Dance or your team is eliminated in the first round. Would you rather your rival move on to the Final Four or lose the next game?

Joe: Hmmm. It probably depends on how much love you have for your rival school, or not.

Slick: Here’s a good one. Assuming you’re a good but not great basketball player, would you rather be a bench-warmer at KU, KSU, or WSU, or get significant playing time on an NAIA team like Tabor College and/or as a player at a NCAA Div. II or III program?

Joe: I like the latter option better, but I’m sure that’s not true for everyone. I never could have played baseball at a big university, but I was able to play varsity baseball and soccer at Tabor. Of course, as good as Tabor plays baseball now, I probably wouldn’t be pitching nearly as much now compared to back in the day.

Slick: I saw the following scenarios on Bleacher Report and thought I’d throw some in. Would you rather be Cubs fan Steve Bartman, who attempted to catch a foul ball during a rare Cubs playoff game but instead hindered Cubs outfielder Moises Alou from making the catch, or be Scott Norwood, who missed a Super Bowl game-winning field goal for the Buffalo Bills in 1991?

Would you rather be a great baseball player with a trashed legacy, like Roger Clemens, or a good player that few will remember, like Roy Smalley, who played in the major leagues for 13 years with four different teams from 1975-87?

Would you rather have Johnny Manziel as a teammate or Yasiel Puig?

Would you rather try to tackle Marshawn Lynch or hit a Clayton Kershaw curveball?

Joe: Those are some difficult choices, but I’ve got one for you.

Slick: Go ahead.

Joe: Would you rather read my Sideline Slants column or take a nap?

Slick: Zzzzzzzz. Uh, sorry. I guess I dozed off. What was the choice again?

Joe: Forget it.