You won’t believe a guy did it

What follows here is a true story. I could not possibly make this up.

I know a guy who started wearing suspenders not too long ago. One day at work he needed to find some relief on the porcelain throne and undid his suspenders, sat and went about his business. He then put everything back together, washed his hands and was getting ready to leave the bathroom.

One problem surfaced when he was finished. He was missing his glasses.

His first thought was he may have flushed them by accident, but then decided that couldn’t have happened. How long can one stay away from work?

So he heads back to his job at work and then feels something in his underwear. He goes back in the bathroom and finds his glasses in his underwear.

I have had a lot of time to think lately, and I can’t help but think about what our town is missing.

Seems like the number one thing mentioned is a good sit-down restaurant. This was mentioned at one of the mayor’s forums this past fall and one of the candidates mentioned she had penciled this out and the profit margin was really slim as just a restaurant. She did say when you add alcohol it becomes profitable, but local folks won’t support a business that serves alcohol.

They have no problem going out of town to an establishment that serves drinks. That would include almost all national chains and other more regional and local-type restaurants. Here in town we do have El Lorito, which does serve drink, but I can’t remember hearing anyone say that is the reason they eat there.

We no longer have a flower shop or men’s or women’s clothing stores as such. Or shoe stores, for that matter. I believe there are a few shops that have some clothing items in addition to everything else they sell.

I am curious to know if Hillsboro has ever played Goessel in basketball prior to this past week in the Hillsboro 2A sub state.

I know we played the Bluebirds in the Goessel gym when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I don’t remember who won, but I do remember I played in the game with smashed fingers and thumbs.

I remember them being all taped up because I had smashed them in a hot lead accident while I was casting lead mattes for artwork for the letterpress newspaper that was to be printed the next week.

The press had two large, heavy metal plates that were on rollers. A lever locked them, or was supposed to lock them, in place. The bottom plate was fixed and the top plate swung up so you could put thin metal bars over the matte to be casted.

Then you would lower the top plate and screw them together. The screw them together part didn’t happen and that is when I smashed my fingers.

If you wish to share your comments or ideas, my e-mail address is joel@