If things go according to plan

Oh, my God, my thirties blew! Forties are great. ?JENNIFER ANISTON

Is it right to begin anything with the words ?if all goes according to plan?? Saying that implies control. Whose plan?

I read an opinion piece from the New York Times with that intro called, ?What You Learn in Your 40s,? written by a woman approaching her 44th birthday. If I could contribute anything, it?s that control is not what it?s cracked up to be.

I did several Google searches related to women in their 40s, changing a word here and there. The most common results across the board were one of two things: fertility in the 40s or depression.

Encouraging.

So, I?ve decided to get real about my own approaching 43rd birthday. I?ve decided this is a good age to be. (By the way, if you plug in the right key words, you can manipulate Google in your favor.)

The hardest birthday I?ve had to date was 30. I don?t know why. All these years later, it was a little ridiculous. But I think that?s a point in itself. It takes ?all these years later? to see things differently. You don?t know what you don?t know.

But I know this: I?m too old for some things. High/low dresses for example. Cute. On my daughters. And clothing with owls on it, which is also unfortunate because I like owls.

With the help of bits of wisdom from said manipulated google search, I have come to accept that I am just?as relationship coach Kira Sabin so eloquently called??getting too old for this crap.? What are we 40-somethings (fertile and/or depressed or not) too old for?

1. False emergencies (aka drama). I?m not saying I haven?t had my moments, but I?ve never been good at drama long-term. As of my own 43rd birthday, I?m officially releasing myself of being sucked down into it. Hallelujah.

2. Compare and contrast. This has been a weakness of mine. We are more jaded, more complex and more beat up and bruised than we let on. Aren?t we?

3. Doubt. Typically this involves wondering about the impression we?ve just made or how someone reacted to us. Why did they say that? Why did I say that? Why didn?t they say this? Why didn?t I say that?

4. Lack of authenticity. I want to be adaptable, not moldable. My yoga lady calls it ?finding what feels good.? And sticking with it. It?s nice to realize you have begun to understand what those things are for yourself right now, for now.

5.?What else?? Journalist Pamela Druckerman said, ?More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. Knowing this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief.?

I wouldn?t have agreed with that awhile back, but today?I?m leaning toward relief. Whatever else, or not.

6. Butterflies (social). I?ve learned a lot through research the past three years about introversion vs. extroversion and social vs. so-called anti-social. And what is good or right or expected.

I?m throwing it out the window. I don?t know who said it but I?ve never heard more truth than in this: ?When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of ?me too!? be sure to cherish them. Because those weirdos are your tribe.? (And be open to the fact that people change, and tribes might, too.)

This is an outline I plan to follow as I climb up into what has been called ?the old age of youth.? If all goes according to plan.

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