Once again I?ve put off writing my column until the very last minute. Usually, I get really inspired the night before it?s due and somehow pull out a decent article.
When I sat down with my laptop yesterday evening, I was expecting the same thing. It is now 7 a.m. on the morning this column is due and I?m still totally uninspired.
I?m officially self-diagnosing me with writer?s block. According to Google, writer?s block is ?the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.? That is definitely what I have.
Luckily for me, though, I?m not the first person to ever experience this nightmare. Apparently it?s a common epidemic among the writing community. So when I searched ?how to overcome writer?s block,? the trusty Internet gave me a long list of ?remedies.?
Several articles and blogs essentially listed the same steps to get past this dreaded feeling.
?Change your surroundings,? one blogger suggests. So I moved from my bed to the living room couch. Still nothing.
The next idea is to ?file it for later.? Seeing as how I should have already emailed this in by now, I don?t really think this one is the best option.
The list continues. ?Drink some coffee.? Too bad I don?t like coffee. ?Eat healthy food and snacks.? I just had pizza for breakfast?? does that count?
One search result was a little more promising than the others. Evidently, well-known, successful writers suffer from writer?s block too, and this article listed their tips and tricks.
Maya Angelou said, ?What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks ?the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.? And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I?m writing, I write. And then it?s if the muse is convinced that I?m serious and says, ?Okay. Okay. I?ll come.??
That sounds worth a try. The cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat. The cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.
Still, the only thought going through my brain is that this column is going downhill fast.
Mark Twain?s suggestion sounds promising too: ?The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.?
Well, my ?complex overwhelming task? is to somehow manage to get at least 600 words of semi-intelligent writing done in the next 30 minutes. That?s only six groups of 100 words. I?ve already rambled on for more than 400 words, so I?m over two-thirds of the way done.
At this point, I?d like to tell anyone who is still reading this that you are being way too nice and to go do something more productive. I promise you it won?t get any better from here. But if, for some reason, you are sticking with this column to the end, we?re going to get through these last 100 words together.
One of the suggestions I just read for overcoming writer?s block was to ?write what you see.? Right now, I see our four kittens, Sookie, Joey, Catsby and Truman, sitting on our deck and staring at me through the patio door. Their facial expressions seem to say even they know how bad this column is. (\I just reached an all time low, too, by resorting to writing about my cats.)
Miraculously, it looks like I?ve finally reached the end, though. If you are STILL reading, you must be very bored because even I have stopped reading this column, and I?m the one writing it.
All I have left to say is that I promise my next one will actually make sense. Now, please go do something productive to make up for the time you just wasted reading this.