Friends, Romans, countymen (no, that?s not a typo), lend me your ear. I come before you to write something funny that you won?t laugh at.
While it?s true I try to find humor in almost everything, and some things take a little longer to laugh at, there are some distinctly nonfunny things going on in our county. OK, the Romans probably don?t care, but we should. So, here are some things not to laugh at.
Take, for example, my experience a couple of weeks ago. I had made noodle soup for supper, and discovered we were out of crackers to go with it. I hopped into my trusty truck just after dark and headed into town to get some crackers.
I proceeded at a moderate pace down our country roads. All of a sudden, a small grayish blob appeared in my high beams. Thinking it was a skunk or a possum, I slowed down and swerved. It?s a good thing I did.
Immediately after that, I encountered numerous bags of trash. Imagine my surprise when I then saw a sofa sitting in the middle of the road. I?m pretty sure I hollered ?EEK!? even louder than the skunk incident. I had to stop and catch my breath.
Ever the recycler, I wondered whether I could salvage it (nope), and luckily I was able to make a path around it. Our wonderful sheriff and deputies were good enough to come drag the stuff off of the road when I called them, but they shouldn?t have had to. Our local dump station is great about taking just about everything. So someone must have been out and just decided that waiting for morning was too much of a hassle.
Guess what, O Dumper? If I hadn?t seen it, hitting that couch would have caused some pretty serious damage to my vehicle, and possibly to me. Your trash bags probably encouraged any vermin in the area to stick around in hopes of another free meal.
If you think it?s funny, go ahead and laugh, but think of what would happen if it were you. Would you want to crash into someone?s couch? Would you want mice, rats, foxes, or coyotes hanging around your house hoping for a free meal?
It seems that some folks think the entire countryside is their dumping ground. This isn?t the first time I?ve seen trash deposited on the side of a country road. Why not just drive the extra few miles to the dump, folks? I don?t want to see your trash. I (or law enforcement) shouldn?t have to pick it up.
Here?s another funny thing: the number of aluminum cans by the roadside. It?s funny how most of them are beer cans. Since I assume they?re empty, someone must be driving around drinking and tossing their cans out the window.
That?s really not funny. Driving like that can get someone (maybe you) killed. Maybe the people who dumped the sofa were leaving beer cans, too. They might even be the same people who have been leaving screwy skid marks on the wrong side of the road. Besides, I really don?t need to know what brand you drink. Please stay home and keep your cans there, too.
You know how I am about my poultry?I love them. Someone told me that someone else was upset that my guineas free range, and sometimes cross the road. That means a driver has to slow down, and maybe in the future, they won?t.
OK, I can deal with losing a guinea, but I?m not going to be happy about it. I spent a lot of time and money on those birds.
But what about my children who play in the front yard? Would you slow down for them if they ran into the road? I shouldn?t have to put up a sign to get it through anyone?s head that on a country road, you can encounter all kinds of hazards, and that slowing down is a really good idea.
Sure, I know you?re driving something heavy (a tractor, a grain truck, a stock trailer), but isn?t it worth a few extra minutes to save a life? Besides, we?re close enough to a railroad track that you should be slowing down anyway.
People who come out here and dump their unwanted animals are pretty funny, too. Granted, one of my best barn-cat mousers was a dumped cat, but why do you think I need more animals? If I wanted them, I would have gotten them myself. The reality is that when you dump an animal (even if it?s close to a farm), it?s probably going to face a long slow death.
The funniest part is that many people in America look down on farmers. To them, farmers are all uneducated hicks, country bumpkins, or rednecks. They seem to forget that everything they eat, no matter how processed it is, is originally produced by a farmer. They don?t have the sense of community that farmers and their families usually enjoy. We work together. We don?t trash each other or someone else?s property.
Some funny things just aren?t that funny. Let?s all get together to fix this and maybe one day we can look back and laugh.