Facing senior year

by Sarah Paulus

It feels like it was just yesterday that I was walking into high school for the first time. I was overwhelmed with feelings of both excitement and utter fear. I remember not being able to sleep for the entire week before my first year of freshman year. I so desperately wanted high school to be like you see in the movies. I wanted it to be perfect.

It hasn’t been perfect. In fact it’s been very far from that. I rarely talk to the people I once swore were going to be in my life forever anymore and I’ve cried an unreasonable amount of times over little assignments. But I’ve also learned some of the greatest lessons and met some of the greatest people.

Hillsboro High School has been one of my favorite chapters in life so far. It has provided me with some amazing opportunities and has some of the best teachers and staff ever. They have supported me and even cried with me more times than I can count. I have become this person I am today inside those walls.

It is crazy that in the next nine months if all goes according to plan, I’ll be cheering my last game, going to my last high school dance, bowing at my last curtain call, and so much more.

I can’t even think about the moving out part yet. My family and I have always had very busy and different schedules, but we’ve still always managed to be close. The thought of not being able to see them every day, let alone every month, makes me want to cry.

I’m trying to make sense of it all, but it’s been really hard. I feel like I skipped a year somewhere because it doesn’t feel right. I turn 18 in two weeks and then my childhood is over. Tell me how that makes sense. It just doesn’t feel real.

But here I am, starting my senior year, and I’m experiencing a lot of those same emotions I did three years ago. I am super excited to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I am excited to see what God has in store for me in this new chapter I will soon begin.

I am also beyond terrified. I’m scared I’ll choose the wrong college or the wrong major. I am scared that everything I’ve been looking forward to will be canceled. I am scared that I am doing everything wrong.

I’m really scared because I have no control. At least not really. But God does. Which is a good thing because God’s plan is far better than anything I could ever imagine. That doesn’t mean that this next year won’t be scary or have bumps in the road. It means that despite the stress and bad things, I can trust in the Lord and know that it will all be okay.

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