Super Bowl yes, football no….

This may sound crazy, but none of us is completely sane. Somewhere deep inside our brains are a few straight jacket-wearing neurons that are perceiving reality at a slightly skewed angle.

It?s different for each of us: a bad comb-over becomes a full head of hair, or a 15-minute jog becomes an immediate 5-pound loss, or a yield sign exists for cosmetic purposes only. I recently heard a tale of a color-blind man who special ordered a brand-new car based on?you guessed it?color.

We?re only fooling ourselves, but it makes our world a better place.

For me, it?s sports.

I?d always assumed that a live sporting event is something that people show up for the national anthem and stay for the pep band. The commotion down below is just white noise to fill in the gaps in between, right?

I?m not saying that sports is stupid. (At least not verbally.) I?ve just never gotten it. To me, sports is where two sports teams sports against each other, trying to out-sports the other by putting that sports thing through that other sports thing until the sports runs out.

If you?re trying to make a point, show me a sports metaphor and I?ll show you a glazed-over expression.

I?ve never completely grasped the concept or the incentive of watching or participating in an athletic event. I spent my childhood summers at the ball field acting as head bat boy. And the only reason I did that was for the snack at the end.

Luckily, once a year there?s a sports event that I can go to and fit right in: The Super Bowl.

On almost any other given occasion I don?t give football much more than a passing glance. I?ll have it playing on the TV. I?ll even sit and watch it. But I?m almost never paying attention to it. I?m either browsing Facebook or day-dreaming or wishing they?d put a better microphone on the pep band.

Something about a bunch of grown men wearing pajamas and shoulder pads chasing inflated animal skin and ramming into each other at full speed?on purpose!?while older grown men sit 150 feet above and talk endlessly about the men in pajamas down below isn?t my definition of cognitive stimulation.

And yet I like the Super Bowl. I look forward to the Super Bowl. For a single day each February, the entire American culture joins me inside my reality.

That?s because the Super Bowl isn?t actually about football. The majority of any given Super Bowl party, regardless of size, is not spent watching the game. Instead, there?s talking, funny commercials, lots of food and trying to get the cheese sauce off our pants without our moms noticing.

The commotion on the TV is just white noise to fill in the gaps in between. And if you think I?m wrong, you?re crazy.