As my freshman year of college whizzed by in a flash and my sophomore year is quickly approaching, I’ve found myself analyzing the last few years more than I have before. My biggest regret of high school was that I spent too much time fretting over my GPA and not enough time making memories and having fun; I don’t want to make the same mistake in my college years.
Being a freshman in a pandemic did hinder my experience in building relationships, what I was able to do and where I was able to go. But with this year looking a little brighter I want to make the most of it. I have realized I don’t want to live my life waiting for summer or even waiting for the weekend to have fun or do things I love.
I read a poem the other day with a line that said “move my soul in lovely ways”. It made me think of how I could be finding lovely every day. Reading a book I love, having a laugh with my friends and staying up too late, going to a coffee shop, looking at pretty flowers; these are things that don’t need to be put on hold and I should make time for them.
Of course, getting good grades and working hard are extremely important. I’m paying for an education that will prepare me for my future and focusing on that matters. But one day, faster than I can imagine at this moment, college will end. But work doesn’t and responsibility doesn’t. I will have many wonderful and exciting things to look forward to after I graduate, but this time of finding myself as an adult while still being able to act like a kid, be a little irresponsible and have a good time while not quite living in the real world yet is time I know I’ll look back on and wish I could have again.
There will be days where I have to work hard studying, which is a vital part of my education, but the times I look back fondly on aren’t when I’m doing homework but the ones where I was messing around with my friends or doing things that I love with people I love.
I hope to move my priorities around sooner rather than later in life. I’ve been asking myself if subconsciously I have goals of living a long life or a full life? Having a job that makes me a lot of money or lets me do what I’m passionate about? Am I putting my worth in my grades and success or in God’s love for me? I think sometimes I’m thinking of the wrong option.
I’ve recently been wrapped up in the idea that having student debt or not making a lot of money will hinder my ability to enjoy life. I had the opportunity to go on vacation this summer but almost didn’t go because I was worried about not working during that time. But I should be taking every opportunity to do something new and fun and enjoy the moment.
What happened to my belief that God will provide for me? Matthew 6:25-34 says that the birds and wildflowers simply live without worry and God provides for them. If God loves them, imagine how much more He loves us and wants to make sure we have what we need. So why worry?
This doesn’t mean I should be lazy or stop working hard, but it does give me freedom from such anxiety and will allow me to try focusing a little less on work and a little more on spontaneity.