Category: Don’t Ask Why

Reflections of a new college grad

Welcome, friends, family, students, faculty and staff, alumni, members of the board and bored members of the audience. You?ve all gathered at this football stadium for one reason on this hot and windy Saturday, and that is to honor the hard work of this bunch of students. No, you?ve really all gathered here for the free food afterward. But we?re […]

Read more ›

Wild hair may signal reverse aging

You know how in the ?Beverly Hillbillies? theme song ol? Jed is out shooting for some food, but he shoots the ground instead and accidentally discovers oil? Well, I know how he must of felt. Sort of. Instead of discovering black gold, I discovered a black hair on my head. If this doesn?t sound like a miraculous discovery, stop reading […]

Read more ›

Leaking shoe may jeopardize future

These past couple of weeks have been a bit on the drizzly side, and I?ve been standing around like a restless flamingo. Shoes make the man, the axiom goes, and when there?s a hole in the shoe it makes the man soggy. My favorite pair of shoes is from the TOMS company, which sends a pair to a little international […]

Read more ›

Donate blood, eat a ham sandwich

If it weren?t for the Red Cross, America would never meet its annual quota for consumed ham sandwiches. And you can help. While at the Tulsa mall during spring break, I visited the blood drive I saw near the entrance while wife Hanna got a haircut. It seemed more productive than sitting at the salon flipping through Clinton-era stylebooks. Donating […]

Read more ›

Almost living an American?s dream

As a professional writer?that is, a recreational writer with deadlines who waits tables?coming up with a topic is the most important first step of the writing process. The unimportant first step of the writing process is refilling my glass with artificially flavored juice from concentrate four or five times. Not because it?s important to stay hydrated while typing, but because […]

Read more ›

So, what?s after graduation…a job?

With graduation hurtling at me like a bad cliche from outer space, the question everyone is asking is, ?What are you going to do next?? Until recently, the answer has always been ?retire.? But I don?t make that joke anymore because it?s becoming less funny the closer May gets. The simple answer is that I don?t know. There are some […]

Read more ›

More thoughts on city unification

My column two weeks ago about merging Hills?boro and Marion into one city received mixed reviews. Some were pleased. Others worded it this way: ?What are you trying to do? Stir up trouble?? While previously discussed economic and cultural benefits might be easy to imagine, there are some items that would require a bit more planning: The public school systems. […]

Read more ›

Merging towns could be a boon

Ever since the Hillsboro and Marion Chambers of Commerce held their annual meetings as a joint event last month, I?ve been thinking of more ways the two major Marion County cities could join forces for future success. The conclusion I came to was simple: Let?s just merge the two cities into one. Implausible, you say? Perhaps. I?m no expert in […]

Read more ›

Is my virtual self more interesting?

I got a healthy dose of reality recently when I came to realize that my virtual profile is much more significant to the world than my physical self, and I have Google to blame for it. For those of you still operating on the Microsoft Typewriter 32BC system, let me explain that Google is the name of a software company […]

Read more ›

A short stay on Tebow bandwagon

My grandma likes to tell a story from her childhood years in Mountain Lake, Minn., about her mother feeding hobos. Apparently once the bums got to town, they would find their way to my great-grandmother?s backdoor, where she would always oblige them with a meal. The train-jumping vagabonds, it turns out, had developed a universal system of coded symbols that […]

Read more ›