Don’t Ask Why

Farm talk yields little in the field


While in a vehicle full of members of farming families, I recently made the mistake of innocently asking how the wheat crop was doing.

I?m not sure how this topic came up, but it was sometime shortly after passing a truck carrying a large load of beehives encased in a netting with bees frantically clinging to the inside.

Hearing damage: the price of privacy


Whenever somebody walks up to me and tells me that my generation is a bunch of degenerate, lazy teenagers who are responsible for most of the hole in the ozone layer, high gas prices and the ?dumbing down? of America, I spit on their shoes and say, ?What??

How prom led to a cluttered desk


I?m stuck. I?m not completely sure that I will ever exit my room again, to be more specific.

This is because right now I am sitting in the midst of a mutant heap of papers, key chains, pens, old learners? permits, expired Wal-Mart gift certificates, Beanie Babies, newspaper clippings, loose change, empty toilet paper tubes and other random substances that have been collecting on my desk for the past several months.

Proving the Theory of Mass Stupidity


Do I have a good reason? No. Does anyone ever have a good reason? No. But did I do it anyway? Yes.

Why am I answering my own questions? I don?t know.

The point is that I did do it, and that it probably wasn?t the smartest thing I could have done.

But there comes a point in every teenager?s life, in my case Monday, when one just has to say, ?Enough is enough! I?m tired of complying to social standards and conforming to what everyone tells me to do. I?m going to rebel. I?m going to be a unique individual. I?m going to poke an extra hole in my head!?

Who made shampoo a terror threat?


I would like to meet the guy who decided to do something stupid on an airplane with a container of shampoo, so I could smack him in the back of the head with a three-ounce bottle of hardened cement.


I don?t know what he was thinking, nor do I want to know. All I know is, he really made traveling difficult for me. At least, that?s the way I feel right now.

Why did DST mess my computer?


I can?t decide whether it should be comforting or stressful. I?m talking about the little clock on the bottom right side of my computer monitor, which has been serving me?informing me of the time without hesitation?for several years.

However, less than two weeks ago, it suddenly fell an hour behind. It now reads 10:42 p.m., instead of the correct, and preferable, 11:42 p.m. that it is.