ORIGINALLY WRITTEN BOB WOELK
I’ve always been a fan of the good news/bad news scenario. I figure for every bit of bad news, there is likely at least a small silver lining.
For example, a car wreck is an unpleasant experience at best. There are accident reports to fill out, insurance to deal with. But, perhaps nobody was seriously hurt. That’s the good news.
The opposite is also often true. A piece of good fortune may come with a price. You may have found the tax forms you were looking for, but you found a paycheck stub you forgot to report.
Life is full of these kinds of tradeoffs. Here are a few:
The good news: Fireworks have returned to Hillsboro, so kids, their parents and grandparents can enjoy them together. This year’s celebration brought what sounded like more fun than ever.
The bad news: Many citizens don’t bother to clean up the leftover trash. Paper and plastic byproducts of the Fourth of July litter the streets.
The good news: We don’t see much professional wrestling on TV these days.
The bad news: Reality TV shows, allegedly factual, are worse than fiction.
The bad news: The Royals are the worst team in baseball.
The good news: We couldn’t care less.
The good news: Kansas elections are just around the corner, so we can send a message to our do-nothing legislature at the ballot box.
The bad news: We have to wait until November.
The good news: We are getting a new aquatics center that will replace our leaky antique pool and keep people from going to McPherson and Newton to swim.
The bad news: It’s hot right now.
The bad news: Shark attack reports are on the rise in Florida this summer.
The good news: Kansas has yet to register even one shark attack this year-er, decade-er, century.
The good news: Plenty of good watermelons this year.
The bad news: I have had to remain close to restrooms at all times. (Watermelon is mostly water, you know.)
The good news: Tom Cruise is a religious man.
The bad news: All the talk shows are letting him talk about his pseudo-religion, Scientology.
The good news: Kansas is as big as you think.
The bad news: There are too many small-minded people in Kansas.
The good news: People are fighting and sometimes winning the battle in favor of the Ten Commandments.
The bad news: More and more people are ignoring the laws of the Ten Commandments. Sometimes they are the same people.
The good news: We have had adequate rain through the early part of the summer.
The bad news: We have had more than adequate mosquitoes.
The good news: As a U.S. Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Connor at least occasionally voted her conscience despite political pressure to do otherwise, and she undoubtedly broke new ground for women with her historic appointment. She retired at the close of the last session.
The bad news: George W. Bush gets to nominate the next appointee.
The bad news: Global warming has arrived and is a scientific reality.
The good news: The Republicans say we should blame China, not the United States, and therefore we don’t need to worry about it.
The good news: Kansas is in the national media spotlight.
The bad news: BTK and the state board of education are putting us there.
The good news: Cars are getting better gas mileage, and fuel-saving hybrids have finally hit the marketplace.
The bad news: The price of gas has negated any financial gain we may have made.
The good news: I came up with a column idea for this month.
The bad news: This is it.