ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
I need to correct a mistake I made last week. I wrote that commuters spend 93 hours in their cars each year going to and from work in New York City. Actually, they spend 93 hours per year just wasting time at stoplights or stopped in traffic. The actual commute time is much greater.
I know it is possible to do it because so many Americans do drive long distances or spend hours commuting. Since I live across the street from work I would have a very difficult time making a long drive time work for me.
It is official. I will be making my pilgrimage back to Mountain Lake, Minn., to look around in July and will be meeting my sister Elaine there for old-times’ sake.
I’m not sure if this is true, but I was told that if one bends over and gazes at the moon through one’s legs, the moon appears to be much smaller than normal.
We are not over our real Christmas tree yet. The vacuum cleaner has never worked right since the holidays. The new bag I put in then still had nothing in it. That can’t be, I said.
So I took the crazy thing apart and found a clump of pine needles packed tight with finer particles of dirt, etc. When I removed that ball of junk the vacuum worked again.
People with hardwood floors have nothing to fear, though. Just don’t put the tree on the carpet.
Maybe other men have the same problem I sometimes do when their wives talk to them. It seems my wife is finishing the first sentence before I actually can relate to the subject matter and get a grasp.
I was thinking good invention would be a hearing aid that worked sort of like an instant replay. Then you could replay the opening words and appear to be a good listener.
I always thought cooking was quite difficult, but changed my opinion the other night when I jumped in to help make spaghetti.
The sauce that we have always served in the past looked quite complicated. Didn’t know all you have to do is brown the hamburger and then dump in a jar of sauce-and it’s all ready to go.
Some students at Fort Hays State University started publishing a newspaper other than the one supported by the university. They said they weren’t necessarily afraid of being censored by the university, but that if they were independent, that risk would never be an issue. Good thinking.
Like a lightning bolt out of the sky, I had a thought on how to solve the issue of campaign finance reform. Actually, I thought of this during the night recently and it seems so right I don’t know why anyone hasn’t thought of it sooner.
Politicians say they are not influenced by campaign donations in any way, and the people who give the money say they aren’t buying any access. If that is so, then my plan would work great.
All the money goes into a central fund, with no records kept of who gave it and no stipulations as to whom should receive it. Then the dough is split evenly among all of the properly registered candidates to be used for their campaigns.