DON’T ASK WHY

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DAVID VOGEL
When a neighbor announced she was going to have a garage sale, and that my family and I could try and get rid of some of our junk at it, too, I quickly started going through all of my stuff.

The first thing I did was go through all of my older Beanie Babies that I had two of. The one with the best tag stayed at home, and the one with the bent tag went to the sale. Then I remembered that I also had tons of doubled McDonald’s Teenie Beanies, so I quickly started looking for them.

I finally found a couple shoeboxes at the top of a closet that were full of the Teenies. Upon reaching up to pull them out, I bumped another box. It came spilling out from the top shelf, scattering its contents on the floor.

I was standing in the midst of a Barbie Doll sea.

First, I got mad, mentally kicking myself for making a mess I knew I didn’t want to clean up (there isn’t a mess I make that I do want to clean up, by the way), but then another thought struck me. Hey, no one in this house is using them. Why not sell these, too?

The dolls themselves were in decent condition. All limbs were attached, and the heads seemed to be on sturdily. They didn’t look brand new, but if you were to sit on the top shelf of a closet for years upon years, you wouldn’t look the greatest, either.

So, I did the unthinkable. I became a Barbie beautician.

First things first: brush their hair. According to what I saw, every Barbie seemed to have come with her own brush. So I put the brushes to work, trying to untangle the knots in their hair.

I was sure I was going to rip a head off of at least one of them because I was yanking so hard trying to make their hair smooth.

Luckily, all of the Barbies kept their heads. (Pretty good for a blond….)

Next came finding which pieces of clothing matched. As much as I hate to say it, I have a pretty good eye for telling which top goes with which bottom.

I didn’t have any big issues with this part of Operation Beautiful, except for when it came to the ice skater doll. She had one of her boots on, but the other was nowhere in sight.

After an unsuccessful search, I gave up and decided to sell her anyway, hoping someone else would have an ice skate without a Barbie Doll to attach it to.

Finally came…accessorizing. I sure hope no one had a camera running, because I felt rather silly sitting on the floor deciding which bracelet looked good with which blouse.

Now I know why girls take so long to look at shoes in the store!

Would you believe how hard it is to decide whether it looks good to wear high heels with a skirt, and whether the high heels should have open toes or not?

I’m still not sure of this myself, but I guess little girls don’t really care, because sales-wise, Barbie left the Beanie Babies in the dust!

* * *

UFO: Who is the largest female apparel producer? Mattel is. This company makes Barbie-and her wardrobe!

Don’t ask why!

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