DON’T ASK WHY

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DAVID VOGEL
There’s nothing better to do on a warm, sunny Sunday afternoon than go fishing. Unless, of course, you’re more interested about being on the Internet, numerous ticks have been on your friends and the fish aren’t biting.

Last Sunday my Sunday school teacher took the class-along with me-to his house in the country, where we had a great cookout.

After the hamburgers, shooting a few hoops and playing with a litter of puppies, our teacher took us to a few ponds and other bodies of water, i.e. Marion Reservoir, to go fishing.

I learned something new. I learned how to string a worm onto a hook. I didn’t master it, but I learned how to do it in case I ever happened to get lost in a huge forest of trees in Kansas and needed food.

After dunking the worm into the water quite a few times, I still had nothing…including my worm!

So I went back to the truck, pulled out a night crawler, and- gulp-stuck him on the hook. The poor roll of slime was pretty calm until I-gulp-stuck the hook up through him…. Guuuuuuuulp!

I guess I killed an innocent worm for nothing. I caught no fish. I did, however, happen to catch my hook on the bottom of the pond, and when I finally got the end of the string back above the surface, I not only still had my hook and worm, but a clump of moss with a bright purple fishing hook imbedded in it.

The biggest catch went to one of my friends, who caught a tree at the other end of the pond.

* * *

I learned a few more things the day before the one described above. Saturday was the regional music festival at Tabor College. Even though it’s for high school, they host it at a college. You tell me why.

Anyway, the first thing I learned is to never set a half-empty -or half full, depending how you look at life-can of pop on the floor when nervous performers are near.

As I am not in high school yet, I don’t participate in the competing end of things, but I do enjoy helping. I spent the day as a door keeper, which is a relatively simple job-just a little bit long.

The chair where I sat was right underneath the list of performances and times for that room, so that’s where I set my half-drunk Pepsi.

I got up to hand the judge the performer’s music, casually noticing an upcoming performer standing dangerously close to my Pepsi while looking at the schedule. I came out of the room only to see my Pepsi can laying on its side in a puddle of dark brown liquid.

I looked up and, with an amused look on my face, said the only thing I could say: “Way to go.”

Lesson learned.

I also discovered that if you’re going to eat lunch with Harriet Suderman, you’re going to have to get her name in the paper. Here you go, Harriet! And, do you want fries with that?

* * *

UFO: 60 percent of atheists and agnostics say they own at least one Bible.

Don’t ask why!

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