PARTLY NONSENSE

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
A good friend of mine was having hernia surgery a few years back. As he tells it, they had given him some valium, or something like it, to get him ready for the real thing. As they were rolling him into the operating room they asked him if he had any questions.

He said there was one. Would he be able to play the piano after the surgery was over. The nurse said she was absolutely positive that he could play after the surgery.

My friend said, “Terrific! I could never play it before.”

— If you missed the Marion High School drum team’s performance during halftime at one of the sub-state games in Brown Gymnasium, you missed one of the most impressive routines ever.

I guess I had never been exposed to this type of precision drumming, but it was spectacular. It was so good the crowd gave the group a standing ovation.

— I’m not a regular viewer of “NYPD Blue,” but as I was flipping channels the other night I caught a scene that took place in the police department headquarters. I could swear that when the phones rang it was the familiar ring of the old black phones we used to have decades ago.

I had planned to e-mail the New York police headquarters and find out if they really still have those kind of phones, but there were far more pressing things to do.

I was walking down North Main Street the other day and thought I saw a leaf blowing up the street, and it was even against the wind. Upon a closer look it was a little mouse scurrying his little butt off.

n

From the I-bet-you-don’t-have-one-of-these-department:

There is a new gizmo for your toilet seat that will tell you if the seat is up or down in the dark. The promo says bathroom lights can be painfully bright in the middle of the night and can disturb your or your partner’s sleep.

It saves electricity because it only comes on when you approach in the dark and cleverly shows a red light if the seat is up and a green light if it is down.

For 30 bucks, how could you go wrong?

Fixing Social Security and health insurance is in the news almost every week. Some people say not to worry about it. Social Security will never run out of money because there is no fund…it is collected each month and dispersed as it comes in. Or health insurance is a big problem, but it is still the best in the world, they say.

The prospects of fixing either seem really bleak to me. I say until our legislators in Washington have the same retirement benefits and health insurance as the rest of the population does, they will feel no urgency to fix anything. You can quote me on that.

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