DON’T ASK WHY

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DAVID VOGEL
Of the many searches I have done on the Internet, I think the most intriguing is a search for “UFOs.”

There are so many different varieties of things that come up with a search like that. You can read stories and descriptions about UFO sightings, see pictures of supposed UFOs and-the most creepy-read stories from people who say they have been abducted by aliens.

I don’t really believe that there is extraterrestrial life out there-and just for saying that, I’ll probably be abducted tonight and taken to Mars. Hey, at least I’ll get to see the Mars Rover up close and personal! But there’s just something about going through stuff like that that even the greatest scientists at NASA can’t seem to solve.

Out of all the creepy, unbelievable pages I’ve pulled up, it was a nice surprise to find www.ufo2001.com. It’s the Web site for the UFO Abduction Insurance Co. I knew I was in for a treat when their motto read “Beam me up…I’m covered!”

The Web site goes on to state that “since 1987, the UFO Abduction Insurance Co. has boldly gone where no insurance company has gone before and offers the perfect policy for anyone who thinks they have everything covered.” It also says no one will be turned down, regardless of age…and frequent flyer status.

“Each personalized gold-bordered policy includes a frequent flyer endorsement and a claim form-which requires the signature of an authorized onboard alien.”

Of course, the company has guidelines. Here are two:

— medical coverage includes all outpatient psychiatric care;

— sarcasm coverage is limited to immediate family members.

The company promises to give any abducted person $10 million, but you are also eligible for $20 million if the aliens refer to the abducted as a nutritional food source or “the other white meat” (among other things.).

But then on the other end of things are the creepy stories that you’re not sure you want to believe. There are plenty of reports all over the Internet from people saying they were abducted by aliens.

They describe the UFOs as being way more high-tech than anything we have here on earth. Most aliens are also the typical grayish green, too, with bodies too little to support their abnormally shaped heads.

It kind of makes you wander if people lack imagination, or Hollywood has done a really good job at coming up with aliens.

* * *

UFO (now we’re talking about “Unnecessary Factual Observation,” not “Unidentified Flying Objects”): A Roper poll in 1991 said that 4 million Americans believe they have been abducted. And, more women than men report being abducted by aliens.

Don’t ask why!

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