VIEW FROM THE HILL

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN PAUL PENNER
My greatest fear these days is not that I have done too much with my life, but that I have not invested enough time on the things that really matter.

The question is, of all the tasks I’ve completed, which should I have done more often? Or which tasks did I miss that should have been done?

I cannot imagine anyone being fully satisfied with life at any point and not having asked, “Should I have done more?”

It seems that one’s lack of curiosity might presume one knows all there is to know and is satisfied that nothing was left undone.

But isn’t that attitude a bit arrogant and naive?

I know, these questions may sound like the ramblings of a crazy man. That’s OK. You haven’t lived until you live on the edge, where the animals and the elements are your only audience and they listen in absolute silence.

Mother Nature is such a great friend when one asks the hard questions. On the other hand, momma’s children-also known as human beings-tend to speak their mind, often out of pure ignorance, if not arrogance.

A recent incident at my 35th high school class reunion reminded me of the unanswered questions.

An alum from another class attended our celebration. After the gentleman introduced his wife to the class, he thanked everyone for having befriended him nearly 35 years ago and including him as part of the school family.

Someone from his hometown had arranged to have his tuition and living expenses paid at our church-affiliated high school. He later graduated and went on to become a responsible husband, father and entrepreneur.

Back then, this young man was a tough street kid who lived in a large western city. One teacher later reflected, “I did not hold out any hope that he would live long enough to see adulthood.”

Now, as this middle-aged man expressed gratitude for our friendship and acts of kindness-which I thought were normal, everyday habits-I realized this had been my first exposure to another culture. He was from the big city, the concrete jungle of urban America. I was raised in an agrarian environment.

Attending a high school reunion can be a painful experience. There are always a few classmates who rarely attend out of fear of being put back into the old role or being called the same old, worn-out nickname.

Some cannot shake the pain of an unforgettable reputation which can outlive the high school years.

This reunion, however, became a special homecoming party for the classmates who braved the fear of the unknown. We celebrated the good times and remembered the teachers who taught an often unruly bunch of gangly, rebellious, hormone-ridden teens.

For me, the highlight of the party and the entire weekend was hearing this one man tell his life’s journey, and express his appreciation to everyone for their friendship through those tough years.

Having come away from this experience, the questions that seemed to have no answers began to trouble me. The challenge for me was remembering how I actually behaved, what I really said and how it affected other people. Selective memory is not a luxury anymore. It may be the only memory.

At this time, I have to trust what I know and balance that with what others tell me. Whatever the outcome, this involves taking a leap of faith and accepting the results.

But I cannot help but wonder if there were others who crossed paths with me and I did not notice when they were desperately looking for a hint of validation and acceptance.

Thoughts like this should be enough to force anyone to look at life from a lofty perspective.

Perhaps there are answers, but we are fearful of the unknown. Perhaps we refuse to listen when the answers do not agree with our own perception of reality. Perhaps we are only interested in the quest for answers and have no desire to end the adventure.

There are times when I think humanity’s quest for answers takes on a comical, Monty Python-like nature. We enjoy searching for the Holy Grail, but would prefer to spend our time riding imaginary horses and engaging imaginary enemies, than to succeed in capturing the big prize.

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