PARTLY NONSENSE

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
I pulled in at the recycling center Saturday morning and the place was deserted. Probably because it was raining.

Anyway, I had a full 55-gallon barrel of office paper to get rid of and there was no room in the bin. Or so it looked.

Since no one was around, I just crawled in there and began shoving paper to the back to make room. Plus it wasn’t raining in there either.

Then I thought, what if there was spontaneous combustion while I was in there and what would I do. Well, I wondered for nothing because I crawled safely out and there was no fire. Now I wonder, why do I even think of those things? Could happen, but probably not.

— I wonder if the Martians were looking at Earth last week and remarking how bright it was in the sky and that it had never been closer in proximity.

I saw Mars one evening and to tell you the truth it wasn’t all that exciting.

We used to like to play pranks when I was in college. Maybe kids still do.

When I was a freshman, we had a pop machine in the basement of the administration building at Bethel College. It was the kind where you put your money in, lifted the lid, slid the bottle to the end and pulled it through the jaws that released when the money went in.

We made the staff think we were opening the pop bottles while they were in the machine and drinking out the soda with a straw without paying for it. In reality, we we’d put the money in and then slide an empty bottle into the machine. We did this for a while and eventually learned the staff were watching to see who was stealing pop.

It got even more exciting to go put an empty bottle in while they were around the corner trying to catch the thieves drinking the pop with a straw.

This is the best street construction story I’ve heard yet. Someone thought they made the street wider and also made the sidewalks wider, too.

I wondered why there was a great big crow bar lying in this guy’s truck.

— I heard the rain we received this weekend was on back order. It was supposed to have come a long time ago.

As Yogi Berra used to say, “If you come to a fork in the road, take it!”

— “Waiter, there is a fly in my soup.”

“That’s funny. It is supposed to be mock-turtle.”

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