Partly Nonsense

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
I panicked Friday when I reached in my pocket and all of my keys to home and business were missing. How could this be since I didn’t stand on my head or anything?

When retracing my steps produced no possibilities, I decided I wasn’t going to spend one more minute thinking about it. Instead, I borrowed the keys I needed and went right down to Hillsboro True Value Hardware and had a complete new set of keys made. I felt so proud of myself for such decisive action.

When I got home that evening, my keys were lying on the kitchen counter. Well, now I have a set in case I lose mine.

My son calls expenses like these “stupid tax.”

Speaking of taxes, did you know the IRS code now has more than 8 million pages? It is estimated that businesses and individuals spend about $20 billion each year trying to comply with the code, which is interpreted differently by nearly everyone.

This information came from a speech by a U.S. senator on C-Span. The senator was proposing a national sales tax of 23 percent on consumption with no income tax. Makes a lot of sense to me.

The number of hits on our Free Press Web site is growing rapidly. We are seeing about 50 percent more than we saw six months ago.

The monitoring system also lets us know which stories are read. The article about the Tampa post office being suspended because of black mold was read 99 times in one day.

Former Hillsboro resident Kim Wiens, who now lives near Dallas, told he us heard on Texas’s largest AM radio station about a Kansas dairy farmer who built a golf course on his property. Wiens went to his office and called up the Free Press online edition to get the full story and was already making plans for a tee time at Myron Schmidt’s Pine Edge Golf Course on his next visit home.

The directions for driving in downtown Hillsboro these days are simple. It is one-way south on Main Street and one-way west on Grand Avenue. Two-hour parking is available all along those routes.

The United States is supposed to be the land of equality but it is not. For example, 73 percent of all rainfall occurs east of the Mississippi, 13 percent falls in the Pacific Northwest and the balance of 14 percent falls in the rest of the country, which includes us.

Since Hillsboro’s Main Street renovation project began, I think our percentage has gone way up.

We need a universal signal for letting people know they’ve already told you something. I seem to be doing more and more of that these days.

Let’s try this: roll your eyes back up in your head and look at the ceiling when I repeat something I have already told you.

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