Long Shots

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ERIC CLARK
Watching yet another Chiefs debacle Sunday, I realized something-I must be crazy to cheer for these guys.

After the game, I decided to try my hand at diagnosing the problem.

If you cheer every time the Kansas City defense allows a field goal and not a touchdown…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you still talk about how Kansas City could have won the Super Bowl had Marty Shottenheimer chosen Rich Gannon over Elvis Grbac…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If the toughest player you’ve ever seen play in the National Football League was Steve DeBerg (played with a pin in his pinky finger)…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you still get excited when you hear that Kansas City has signed veteran players, that inevitably retire in KC without having helped the team in any fashion except for a few highlights on ESPN… you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you turn off the television because you think you’re “jinxing” Kansas City’s chances…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you’re tired of the red-and-white ripping out your heart every week, and you can’t bear to write anything of merit and you write a list of “you might be a pathetic Chiefs fan if”…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If time, as you know it, revolves around television programming on CBS from 12:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. on Sunday afternoons…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you keep blaming KC’s inefficient defense on former Chief’s coach Gunther Cunningham…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If your attire for a Kansas City game involves painting your face red and wearing a beer hat…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you’re prayer concerns in church involve Trent Green staying healthy…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If year after year, you tell yourself that Kansas City is just one year away from really being good…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you’re idea of an agile quarterback is gimpy Trent Green…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you think that the KC defense is just bad because the offense score so quickly…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you’re best line for a KC loss is “(Morten) Anderson’s hamstring is still bothering him”…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you find yourself cheering for Denver when they’re playing the Raiders, and cheer for Raiders when they’re playing anyone other than Denver (and KC)…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If after another lousy season, you claim that next season will be different…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If one of your favorite pastimes, while watching KC, involves recognizing former K-State and Big 12 players on the team…you might be a Chiefs fan (and a Big 12 fan for that matter).

If you still think that Trent Green is the next Kurt Warner…you might be a Chiefs fan.

If you match any of these characteristics seek immediate help from a good psychologist, because life can be pretty tough if…you might be a Chiefs fan.

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