Don’t Ask Why

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DAVID VOGEL
It’s been a while since one of my turtles has “written.” I think it’s about time that Burt, my newest turtle-tortoise, actually-tells his story…. So here goes…. Don’t ask why…. How many more “….”s can I put in here?

“You should know how I came to live in this wooden box. But in case you don’t, I’ll retell the story that Sherman-you know, the thing that runs over things with a real skinny cannon?-told.

“I was found by a Tabor student out by the sand volleyball court. This guy, and a shorter version of him, came out of this huge building a little ways away.

“The taller guy said something like, ‘Can I have him,’ and the student said, ‘Yes,’ so now I’m here with Sherman and Mur-oh yeah, Murtle’s not here. A couple weeks ago, I woke up one morning and ate my breakfast, but something seemed wrong. Murtle wasn’t there!

“I searched everywhere looking for him: under rocks, behind stumps, on top of stumps, just everywhere! But I couldn’t find him.

“Finally, I heard the kid with the glasses talking. He was saying that Murtle had escaped. I felt kind of bad. I knew that the kid with the glasses really loved Murtle-and, try as I might, I couldn’t replace her.

“OK, so if a soldier goes AWOL, what does a turtle go? AWADDLE! Hee hee hee, I know this is serious and all, but I couldn’t resist the joke.

“Just yesterday, I was looking through my current T-mails when I came across this message:

Dear Burt,

As you have probably figured out, I left. You know it’s getting close to migration season, and I just couldn’t resist. I know the kid with the glasses will be sad, but do your best to keep him happy. Oh, and about Sherman-don’t let him sleep in the plastic pool like he did earlier. It’s not good for him, and the kid with the glasses doesn’t need another turtle gone.

I’m not exactly sure where I am, but I’m avoiding all of those big, loud things that zoom by on the long black line.

Take care,

Love, Murtle.

“Isn’t that the saddest T-mail anyone could receive? But let’s get on from all these sad things and onto some more happy things.

“The kid with the glasses recently bought a huge plastic turtle sandbox. But it’s not for sand. They say that this winter we turtles can come inside. Whoopee! It’s a dream come true! I’ve always wanted to see the inside of the house! It’s too bad Murtle won’t be here to enjoy it, too.

“After I checked my T-mail, I got onto the Internet and found this really great site. It’s www.turtlefortress. freewebspace.com. I recommend it!

“Well, that’s all I really have to say-except this: Don’t ask why!”

Editor’s note: David’s column appears in the Free Press the first issue of every month. Every other week, his column appears in the Free Press Extra, our newly revamped companion publication. We think his column alone is well worth the Extra’s charter-subscription price of $12 a year. Don’t miss out.

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