ORIGINALLY WRITTEN DAVID VOGEL
A few people have asked me how my turtles, Murtle and Sherman, are doing. I decided to do a follow-up on them, only this time through Sherman’s eyes.
“A few weeks ago you learned about Murtle and me, and now it’s my turn to tell my story. Well, the raw hamburger and fresh lettuce are still showing up in the same place all the time, but I like the lettuce better than the meat.
“Where I grew up, there was plenty of grass to go around, but the only meat that was ever around was the dead skunks in the middle of the road. So I like plants a lot better than flesh.
“Murtle, on the other hand, I don’t know where he grew up, but I can tell you one thing about him: He loves beef. That kid with the glasses always picks me up and sets me close to the meat so I can have some if I want, but I don’t. Within 30 seconds, here comes Murtle, truckin’ slightly faster than his five sidewalk-squares-per-minute. He ate all of the meat-and that hunk of hamburger was bigger than two of my heads!
“There’s this new guy, his name is Burt-don’t ask why (I was told to write that). I guess the kid with the glasses’ brother named him after the guy on Sesame Street. Ha! If I found a box turtle I’d name him something like Shermania, or if it was a girl, Shermanette.
“Anyway, he’s been here a couple of weeks. I guess the story goes that the kid with the glasses’ brother and his dad were coming out of the Campus Recreation Center at Tabor College. As they neared the sand-volleyball court, some students were there, and one happened to have a box turtle in her hand. The dad asked if he could have it, because the girl was one of his students. She said she loved turtles (kind of makes me feel tingly inside) and hoped that she would find a new home for it, and she did.
“That’s how I hear the story.
“I haven’t figured out if he prefers hamburger or lettuce, but I do know one thing: He’s a sort of bully. Like the other day, I was sitting there, minding my own business, when he comes running-in turtle talk, that’s a fast waddle-straight toward me.
“Instead of stopping and waiting for me to get out of his way, or saying ‘Excuse me,’ he just crawls right on over me. I thought I was the one named after the army tank!
“I guess I haven’t really gotten to know him yet. Maybe he’s a nicer guy, just kind of confused.
“Well, that’s all I have to say right now. Maybe someday you’ll here from Burt, but it’s just a possibility.”
That’s life through Sherm’s eyes, although I did type it.
Oh, since a lot of people have been harvesting, here’s a little harvest humor: How much wheat could a wheat truck truck if a wheat truck could truck wheat?
I even came up with that one all by myself…. Don’t ask why.
Happy Fourth of July!