Sideline Slants

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOE KLEINSASSER
Contrary to what some may think, Kansas television doesn’t revolve around sports. It isn’t dictated by news. Not even reality TV shows like “Survivor” stand a chance.

When push comes to shove, weather is king of TV in Kansas. Any time a storm cloud is remotely on the horizon, television programming is interrupted by a weather update.

Weather reporting in Kansas is humorous, and you don’t have to convince me that forecasting Kansas weather is much more difficult than in Hawaii.

Are you impressed that Kansas weather forecasters have expanded their forecasts to seven days when they’re fortunate to accurately predict tomorrow’s weather?

Please understand-when there’s a tornado warning, I want and expect an interruption with full coverage and information on what is transpiring and where the tornado is headed. But I don’t need a sporting event or program interrupted because it’s raining hard somewhere.

If the weather situation is not life threatening, it is sufficient to run a crawler across the bottom of the screen with the weather information.

At least you don’t have to worry about an interruption in the newspaper. But if television ever takes over the Free Press, you might see Sideline Slants go something like this.

The track programs at Hillsboro, Marion, Peabody and Goessel high schools feature some outstanding athletes. They could make some noise at the state high school track meet. Here’s who has the best chance to “go for the gold.”

We interrupt this column to bring you a weather bulletin. A dangerous tornado has been sighted. That’s right, a tornado has been sighted. Hold on just a second. I’m being handed new updated information. A tornado is on the ground in southern Wyoming moving east, southeast.

We realize that skies are clear in Kansas at the present time with no severe weather within 500 miles of Marion County, but this tornado could present a threat by tomorrow evening if it continues on its present course.

We will interrupt as the situation warrants. Now back to your regularly scheduled column.

Turning the page to baseball, does anyone in Class 3A have a chance to beat Collegiate? They appear to be the odds-on favorite to win the state baseball championship again this spring. But in a one-game, winner-take-all format, anything can happen. The key is getting to that one game.

Once again we interrupt this column for a weather update. The storm in Wyoming has dissipated and the threat of tornadoes has dissipated. However, our super-duper, super-fantastic, super-sensitive Doppler radar has picked up some showers in central Kansas. These showers aren’t reaching the ground yet, but if they do, you could get wet. I’d advise that you be prepared.

Don’t go anywhere without an umbrella. Once again, we return you to Sideline Slants.

On another subject, many of our local athletes have announced their college plans. Tabor College is attracting its share of local student athletes. Among those planning to play sports at Tabor are-

Here’s the latest weather information live from our weather center.

Those rain showers still aren’t reaching the ground, but if the conditions change just a little, we could actually get wet. Nevertheless, we advise you to be careful. Winds are gusting to more than 25 mph, and you could lose your cap or hat when you’re outside.

Also, don’t forget to apply sunscreen if you’re outside for more than 15 minutes. And don’t spit into the wind. Now we send you back to more of Sideline Slants.

The city recreation programs in Marion County will offer their usual assortment of summer activities. And if there’s one thing we know how to do well here, it’s play ball.

We apologize for interrupting, but we have another urgent weather bulletin. A heat wave is overtaking the area. In fact, using our technology, we can pinpoint exactly where the hot air is coming from. Oops, excuse us. Ahem. It seems a particular columnist in the Free Press is generating the hot air.

Now, back to the hot air, er, I mean Sideline Slants.

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