Partly Nonsense

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
You could tape a letter to a turtle and it would get to Marion faster than the U.S. mail. It seems the average delivery from here to there-or there to here-is now two days to go 10 miles.


The real reason is that our mail goes to Wichita, then to Topeka, and then to Marion and vice versa. And they never asked me how it should be done.


n


The French must not be very good at sharpening knives. I’ve never seen any French bread that is cut all of the way through.


n


Have you been to Timbuktu lately…wherever that is. That’s where I go every time I call for tech support or any big company for that matter.


You probably know the routine. “If you are calling about…press 1, press 2, press 3, press 4. If you would like to hear the menu again …press 9. Blah, blah, blah, blah.


Who wants to hear it again? Are they crazy! I am really getting annoyed with it. When the recorded message says, “If you know your party’s extension, dial it now,” I just start pushing numbers hoping to get somebody real to talk to.


Sometimes this works, and when I do get a live one, they usually can’t get me transferred to the right person. More than likely, you just get their voice mail.


Enough already.


n


Little kids get up to speed pretty fast these days. My grandson, Alex, who is just 3, recently had this conversation with his mother when she was at wits ends trying to get him to listen to her.


“Alex, I’m your mom and you should listen to me.”


“No, you should listen to me.”


“Why should I listen to you?”


“Cause I’m the boss.”


“That’s not even funny Alex.”


“I’m not laughing.”


n


I’m still stuck on the rough play that needs to be curbed in basketball. Especially in the college game. It seems that teams now have enough good players that they can afford to give up a lot of fouls. No one is allowed an easy shot. Someone always ends up on the floor.


I have borrowed a solution from hockey. When a team gets to 10 in a half, one player has to sit down and the team plays with four. When the fouls get to 15, two players have to sit down and you play with three.

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