Sideline Slants

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOE KLEINSASSER
We’ve turned another page on the old calendar and see that Father Time, Mother Time, Person Time, or politically correct time, marches on.


As we look ahead to 2001, it’s hard to say whether we should be more hopeful, more optimistic, more cynical, more pessimistic, or more realistic about sports in America.


Certainly the sporting scene leaves plenty of fodder that fits any of the aforementioned categories.


n How many people in Marion County make as much in a year-$51,850-Alex Rodriguez will make an hour playing shortstop for the Texas Rangers next season?


The $252 million contract that Alex Rodriguez signed seems like a lot of money, but remember, it’s spread over 10 years. Texas better hope they have some money left for pitching.


Rodriguez will make more this year than the Kansas City Royals did as a team last season. The Royals’ entire payroll last year was a little more than $24 million. Suffice it to say the Royals probably didn’t have a chance to land Rodriguez.


n It’s a good thing that I’m not a betting man. I would have given odds that KU wouldn’t lose a basketball game this season by 30 points.


n Did you hear that a proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in South Florida that will replace the traditional call of “Fore”?


When player hits an errant shot, he will be allowed to call “Gore” while the ball is still in flight. He can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again.


The player can do this until he is satisfied the ball is going where he intended to hit it in the first place. This will cause the time of play to be extended until such time the player can claim the hole.


This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA, but proponents say it is only fair.


A recent test of this new rule was recently played out in an exclusive club in Palm Beach County, Florida, and the first hole only took 19 days to complete.


n I haven’t followed the Women’s Professional Football League too closely, but I hear that a year ago there were only two teams in the league, one from Minneapolis and one from Chicago. They played only each other and they occasionally changed the team names in a feeble attempt to conceal the obvious.


This past season, the league expanded to 13 teams, before dropping to 11, but I heard trouble was brewing.


A news release announced that the Minneapolis team would play on Dec. 16, but they hadn’t yet decided whether it would be an exhibition game against one team or a playoff game against another team.


Minnesota has a 200-pound quarterback/tight end, and her name isn’t Culpepper. You can’t make this stuff up. Reality is funnier than fiction hands down.


n Fox analyst Bill Maas, after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were whistled for having 12 players on the field against Green Bay: “We’re in Florida. We can’t get the count right.”


n At a Los Angeles Clippers game, two fans wore Gore and Bush masks and carried the message, “Let’s settle this at the free throw line.”


n Speaking of free throws, in December I officiated a girls’ high school basketball game where one team made 23 of 50 free throws and the other team converted 12 of 34. The number of turnovers was astronomical as well. Too bad our officiating crew didn’t get paid by the whistle.


n Did you hear about the guy who said, “I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain”?


n Another guy said, “I am in shape. Round’s a shape.”


n Finally, the statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.


Have a happy and healthy 2001.

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