View from the hill

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN PAUL PENNER
What do you get when you combine four men, food and time for a chat? Plenty of hilarious stories that generate smiles and laughter while consuming hamburgers, fries and a favorite beverage.


It happened at McDonald’s one day in October.


Our latest topic was about the recent rainfall and how much each of us had received at home.


One friend recounted a story which occurred a few years ago. After a recent rainstorm passed through the county, some neighbors had gotten together for a visit. Each neighbor reported their rainfall totals and my friend indicated his gauge showed a lot more than the others.


Such differences are not unusual. Thunderstorms can be unpredictable, dumping a lot of rain in one place and less elsewhere.


“Later in the day,” my friend continued, “another neighbor called me and asked how much it had rained. After I mentioned my rainfall total, he began to laugh.”


The neighbor confessed that while the friend was away from home the day before, he added water to the amount already in the gauge.


As we laughed at the story, I thought, “There is a little mischievous boy living inside every older man.”


That tale reminded me of another one my cousin told me. Since we had plenty of time, I passed the story on.


My cousin held a job as a policeman in the little town of Inman. While on patrol one Halloween night, he saw a vehicle towing an outhouse down Main Street.


Before I continue with this story, I think I should say something about outhouses….


Some readers may have never had the opportunity to contemplate their future in one while simultaneously reading and using a Sears-Roebuck catalog in the dead of winter at night. After one such experience, the uninformed reader will appreciate the miracle of indoor plumbing.


But if that isn’t enough to make you appreciate modern technology, then think about these cold, hard facts-freezing wood on warm flesh with snow blowing around your bare legs, not to mention the cold wind whistling from below.


Plus, you may observe assorted cobwebs dangling overhead and everywhere else. And you may catch a glimpse of the resident skunk that wanders by for a brief visit-a stark reminder that something else smells worse than this little building.


And finally there is the crisp, cold, high gloss paper from the old Sears and Roebuck. And if you have to ask what it’s for…well, go ask your grandpa.


For those readers who still are clueless, an outhouse is an older version of the modern bathroom minus the porcelain stool, sink, shower, heat and air-conditioning.


In other words, the similarities that one bathroom version shares with the other are limited to the four bare walls.


And I forgot to mention, the older version also has no ventilation, unless Mother Nature provides it.


But one advantage the outhouse had over the modern bathroom was the potential for mobility, and that advantage offered great opportunity for anyone who wanted to add a little spice to Halloween. And sometimes an unwitting victim was trapped inside and had no choice but to go along for the ride.


Now back to the story….


When my cousin spied the little house being pulled down the street, he muttered, “Kids! Up to their old pranks again,” as he began his pursuit with lights flashing.


But when his flashlight beam focused on the prankster in the getaway vehicle, he recognized the face of a well-known local high school teacher.


The embarrassed teacher-whom everyone in the community believed was a good role model for kids-begged to be let go and he promised to return the two-seater to its rightful place before anyone else noticed it was missing.


Before my cousin let him go with a warning, the teacher pleaded, “It was just begging to be moved, especially on a night like Halloween.”


Yes, the rebellious inner child is always waiting to escape, to make mischief long after we thought it had been safely hidden under the security blankets of maturity and sophistication.


But I hope the mischievous child never goes too far away. Because if it did, we would not have funny stories like these to share with our friends. And life would be so boring and predictable.

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