Sideline Slants

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOE KLEINSASSER
Political polls in presidential election years are a dime a dozen. Polls with a sports theme are just as commonplace.



If you like to put in your two cents worth, you can do that regularly on Web sites by ESPN and CNN/SI. For example, you can vote on which athlete or team had the best performance in the past week and compare your response to the rest of the voters. All of which means nothing, really.



I’m not against polls. The problem lies with some of the dull topics. We need polls that show some creativity. We need to ask interesting questions.



In an effort to break new ground I’ve gone to great lengths-OK, about 30 minutes-to come up with some poll questions. I’ve spared great expense by concocting the questions and answers without interviewing anyone. Hence, the margin of error is plus or minus 100 percent.



Hey, you get what you pay for. The quotes, however, are all factual.



Without further adieu or apologies, here are the results of Kleinsasser’s Krummy Poll, not to be confused with Krummy Kleinsasser’s Poll.



1. University of Oklahoma President David Boren canceled classes for a day after the OU football team beat Texas 63-14. Do you agree or disagree with the decision?



Ninety-five percent of the OU student body agreed; 5 percent disagreed because of favoritism. They said if the president cancels classes after a big football win, he should cancel classes when the debate team has a big victory, too.



Ninety-five percent of the Texas student body opposed President Boren’s decision because they were afraid their university president might make them run 50 wind sprints or go to school an extra day.



So bad was the Texas loss to OU that ESPN’s Gene Wojciechowski said that Texas Gov. George W. Bush has applied for federal disaster funds. Why? Because that’s what governors do.



2. Was it appropriate for NBC to televise a Major League Baseball playoff game on the same night as a presidential debate?



Ninety-nine percent of baseball fans supported NBC, saying the Democrat and Republican parties should know better than to schedule a presidential debate on a day that conflicts with our national pastime.



3. Should Wichita State University start a football program?



Twenty percent of Kansas State University students said yes, 20 percent said no, and 60 percent said definitely not because if WSU gets a football program, KU will want to start one as well.



4. Would Indiana University Myles Brand have fired basketball coach Bob Knight for breaking the zero tolerance policy if he had won a national championship last year?



Ninety-nine percent said “Of course not,” and 1 percent said not only would Knight still be the coach, the university would have been renamed Knight University at Indiana.



Regarding the firing of Knight, Ray Ratto, a columnist for the San Francisco Examiner, said, “The end of the Knight era should be as unsightly and acrimonious as possible, with the agony serving as a shining beacon to every other school, every other professional organization, every work environment that this is what happens when you cut too many deals too many times at the expense of too much of your soul.”



He also said the university can think about how they spent 29 years propping up the man they fired for doing pretty much what he’s done for all those 29 years.



5. What will Bob Knight’s legacy be as Indiana head coach?



Fifty percent said Coach Knight would be remembered as a coach who demanded discipline but didn’t have self-discipline.



Thirty percent said he would be best remembered for winning national championships at Indiana.



Fifteen percent said that he would be remembered for throwing a chair at an official during a game.



Five percent said Knight would be remembered for graduating student-athletes.



Andrew Moran, a column contributor for Tom Fitzgerald, suggests that Knight open a furniture store (the General Store?). Moran said, “He could run a promotion where if you buy a sofa, he’ll throw in the chair.”



Comment by Pete Goering, executive editor of the Topeka Capitol-Journal: “Would someone explain to me the aura of ‘his kids graduate?’ Aren’t they supposed to?”

More from article archives
Thompson, Jordan plan June 1 wedding
ORIGINALLY WRITTEN Dan and Jan Thompson of Hutchinson and Brenda Jordan of...
Read More