Partly Nonsense

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN JOEL KLAASSEN
If you sleep under the covers during the summer, does it mean your thermostat is set too cool? Or maybe it’s insecurity.



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In case you’re eating as you read this column, you might want to put the paper down. Although that will make it harder to keep reading.



Anyway, in all my years I have never seen what I saw last Friday night in front of Home Expressions on North Main.



For their grand opening, one vendor brought a showroom trailer full of toilets and parked it in front of the store. The first thing to see as you entered the trailer was a urinal positioned at eye level. They called it “The Shaq O’Neill.”



The rest of the trailer was full of various models of new toilets now available. Some come with heated seats and various other features.



The proprietors claim their toilets can flush 21 golf balls with one pull of the handle. I assume that’s the ultimate test for getting the job done. No pun intended.



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Speaking of sleeping under the covers…. When I was a little kid, I remember not being able to sleep unless I had my ears covered. I was afraid animals would chew my ears off during the night if I didn’t protect them.



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Here’s a tip from the kitchen.



If you run out of syrup when serving regular pancakes, just open a can of cherry pie filling.



A spoonful of that makes them taste just like Russian pancakes-only I believe they would have to be called American pancakes. Or maybe “lazy” Russian pancakes.



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With the Republican convention beginning this week, here’s assurance from Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo: “The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it’s only the people who make them unsafe.”



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Swartz’s Maxim: Live every day as if it were your last…and someday you’ll be right.



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A skinny cook may not have what it takes.

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