Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 05 March 2013 14:22I’m a member of the National English Review and Direction Society, which is a national government-funded organization that monitors the condition and popular use of the English language and then adjusts the standards for its application accordingly.
Basically, the organization is responsible for standardizing correct grammar, syntax and word use.
Toward the beginning of each year NERDS issues an updated guidebook to its members, which I received just last week.
As a person who prides...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 19 February 2013 13:37Humankind has been anxiously waiting for an apocalypse for about 26 zillion years now.
But so far, despite some near misses—like a Russian fireball with the glass shattering capabilities of a 10,000-ton operatic soprano—we’ve apparently been disappointed.
That’s because “apocalypse” is popularly associated with drastic climate change or worldwide tectonic interference or giant space debris or an overpopulation of zombies. None of which, to my knowledge, has occurred.
Yet the actual definition of the word isn’t quite so specific. I know because I looked it up on the internet, and if something’s on the internet it must be true. Abraham Lincoln said so.
“Apocalypse” is defined as “an event involving destruction or...
Written by David Vogal Tuesday, 05 February 2013 13:55You know your humanities education is paying off when you choose your Super Bowl team based on the literary icon it brings to mind.
We were on our way to a small party last Sunday: wife Hanna laden with little smokies, chili cheese tots, popcorn chicken and brownies, me with “The Essential Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe” in hand.
The thick collection of classic horror has a menacing black raven—the night’s mascot—printed right on the cover, and with, “It’s now or nevermore,” my battle cry of the evening I cheered the Ravens on to their narrow victory.
I’m not really a football fan, but you can’t lose with the humanities on your side.
A humanities education, of course, involves a broad understanding of...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:45Conversation in the office was grim the other week as discussion turned to a family that recently has fallen on hard times.
To start with, they nearly lost everything after the father made an disasterous investment. The husband of the oldest daughter made matters worse by talking to a financial adviser about the family’s investments behind the father’s back.
Meanwhile, the middle daughter chased an older man for a relationship few approved of. They planned to get married, but he left her at the altar.
More recently, the husband of the youngest daughter was caught at the scene of arson committed by radical political protesters. Chased by police, he escaped to rejoin the rest of the family, leaving his pregnant wife to fend for...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 15 January 2013 14:18To paraphrase the ramblings of comedian Demetri Martin, glitter is the stigmatized viral disease of craft supplies.
Don’t get me wrong, I really do like glitter. Not in the Edward Cullen sense, but as far as the elementary art room industry is concerned, I think glitter is an excellent institution.
If you disagree with that statement, you’re probably an elementary school art teacher.
That’s because once glitter has been released from its protectively sealed plastic container, it effectively contaminates the entire atmosphere around it and then begins its systematic journey to every corner of the building and beyond.
It’s like a shimmering bubonic plague; the Black Death’s sparkling cousin. You don’t get oozing sores. You...
Page 2 of 35