Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Thursday, 05 July 2007 07:33Over the last few years—OK, I’m just going to warn you right up front that this column has no real point—I’ve had several excursions during the summer vacations, all of which were pretty exciting. But my family’s mid-June expedition this year was by far the most exciting, as measured in extremely potent sulfur fumes.
This year, in protest to our previous far-east trips, my family opted to trek up in the general northwestern direction. Of course, we drove for those long distances...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 20 June 2007 09:46Earlier today I was browsing Internet news articles in hopes that some sort of current event would be worth writing about, and picking lint out of my computer mouse.
I have to pick lint out of the mouse periodically because lately I have been getting sneezing fits in the morning, which causes the need for a Kleenex-like tissue, but because whoever is in charge of inventory at my house is too cheap, I have to use a roll of toilet paper, which sets off a fine powder every time I rip off another square.
(I’m not completely sure if the ration of words-to-commas was acceptable in the last sentence.)
This dust sort of ends up coating my entire desk, and residue eventually builds up in the crevices of my computer mouse.
So as I was digging...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 06 June 2007 10:27As my dad has said, there’s a fine line between genius and idiot, and I’m treading on it.
Not only is that the good attention-grabbing opening statement that I’ve heard so much about in English courses, but it also relates to the fact that I recently confirmed a personal medical issue that, until now, I hadn’t really worried about.
Let me tell you about it.
Within only days of school getting out, free athletic physicals were offered to students for next year’s athletic activities.
Let me clear something up right off the bat: I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, an athlete. When people ask me what I play, I dryly answer “the trombone,” and leave it at that.
But I got the physical anyway, because there is an off...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 30 May 2007 11:36While in a vehicle full of members of farming families, I recently made the mistake of innocently asking how the wheat crop was doing.
I’m not sure how this topic came up, but it was sometime shortly after passing a truck carrying a large load of beehives encased in a netting with bees frantically clinging to the inside.
Not that this really matters.
What happened was, my question inadvertently got the entire carload into a long conversation about farming techniques and equipment. I know nothing about these things. When it comes to talking about farming, I’m about as smooth as a cat who jumped onto the top of the fish tank without first taking into account that there is no lid.
Needless to say, within seconds of posing my...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 16 May 2007 07:57Whenever somebody walks up to me and tells me that my generation is a bunch of degenerate, lazy teenagers who are responsible for most of the hole in the ozone layer, high gas prices and the “dumbing down” of America, I spit on their shoes and say, “What?”
This is because I cannot hear that person.
The cause? Hearing loss.
I recently broke down and bought an iPod. There are several pros and cons to this, the cons being that I am now subject to extreme hearing loss and the pros being that I can join the hoards of teenagers across American who walk around all day with their iPods plugged into their ears to communicate to the public the basic message of, “Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m ignoring you. Buzz...
Page 34 of 35