?Whispered? advice unheeded

?They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they?d make up their minds.? ?Attributed to too many people to list

You may have seen the ?nailed it? photos circulating the Internet. They picture two images, one of the ?goal? and one of the failed result.

An example would be a picture of a princess birthday cake shaped like a ball gown with sparkling candy jewels and piped ribbons of golden hair. The result looks more like a female Shrek melting in a mud pit.

I have my own example from several years back, which my daughter could confirm. A Spongebob cake turned to the dark side, looking a little less spongy, a little more Chucky. We don?t like to talk about it.

This is the general feeling around training my dog to walk on a leash.

I enjoy watching Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. This seems like a good idea every time because he makes it look so easy and I get pumped up as he transforms hyperactive dogs into attentive followers. It?s all about attitude and letting the dog know through consistent, kind-but-firm actions that he is a part of your pack, not the other way around.

I glance at my dog, lying peacefully across the room, and I know he does want to please me, just like Cesar says.

?I can bend you to my will with kindness and repetition,? I told him this weekend, ?because Cesar said I can.?

He didn?t open his eyes or bother to look at me but I decided to trust that it would easier this time because I believed I was the pack leader. I know this and now my dog would know it, too.

How easy? As easy as creating a square cartoon character out of a square cake. So simple.

Whenever the leash comes out, he gets excited and is ready for the road. I set my intentions, remind myself I am indeed the leader of this pack, give a short pep talk about being a willing and faithful pack member, emphasize the importance of working together and remind him that both of us will come out better for it on the other side.

It?s a beautiful speech and I buy into every word it it. But since my dog only recognizes his name along with a few other words related to treats and and not words like ?work with me,? ?teamwork? and ?pleeeeeaaase,? we once again don?t get off the porch without our first incident.

We tried again at a nature walk this weekend. My first mistake was assuming he had paid attention to the last Dog Whisperer episode. Cesar had clearly showed us both how to walk with intention and how to maneuver around other dogs and people. What could possibly go wrong?

On the bright side, there were no other dogs and since he was intent on sniffing everything that wasn?t on the actual trail, he didn?t notice any of the people we passed.

After running him a little to burn off extra energy, there were intermittent moments of control. But for the most part I was trying to contain him to my side without the leash cutting my hand off at the wrist.

Cesar, I still worship your 40-dog pack handling skills. But they haven?t transferred over to me yet. I can?t seem to convince this one dog that I am his alpha. He doesn?t know he?s supposed to sit calmly by the door before we go outside. He blatantly ignores my authoritative stance.

Now the good news. He will hang on my every word if we are in the house with zero distractions and I am holding something slathered with peanut butter.

There you go, Cesar Millan. Nailed it.

Shelley Plett is a graphic designer for the Free Press and Kansas Publishing Ventures. She can be reached at shelley@hillsborofree?press.com.

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