Written by Abi Humber Tuesday, 08 November 2011 15:59
o become: “to emerge into existence.”
I close my eyes. I see a soft pink flower bud, suddenly unfolding, now bright pink as it turns its face to the sun. Blooming, emerging into existence. Becoming.
This picture suggests that act of becoming “happens” in a single moment. We’ve been hard at work long before our efforts reveal themselves. And then! We “arrive” in an instant. Blink, and you’ve missed it.
While that might make sense in some circumstances, I like to think of my “becoming” as more of a lifelong emergence into the woman I hope to someday be. Sure, there are small moments of blooming that mark themselves milestones along the way, but I’m not sure I will ever be fully bloomed.
And I’m perfectly OK with that.
I think I’d be sad if I woke up one day and realized I was fully emerged...because then what’s left? There would be no more knowledge to be gained, no more adventure to be had, nothing left to strive for. Life would be meaningless. And just plain boring.
My friend Tia Lyrysa shared with me some of the most important words that have ever been spoken to her. A good friend of hers said, “You are constantly re-inventing yourself, and I love that about you.”
This characteristic is one of the things I most admire about Lyrysa, and something I have embraced as part of my own life journey. Below is a snapshot of who I am right now, today, at this moment. I’m writing this on a Sunday; who knows how things will have shifted by the time you read this on Wednesday?
I am becoming...more liberal, politically.
Just in case you hadn’t noticed. But Winston Churchill said, “If you’re not a liberal at 20 you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at 40 you have no brain.” I’ve got a whole slew of observations and opinions and feelings and passions, and I know I’m still growing and learning how to sort them out.
I am becoming...a hipster.
Just kidding! I hope I’m never that pretentious and “exclusive.” Plus, I really like to shower and wear clean clothes.
I am becoming...a chocoholic.
This is a totally new thing for me. I never would have thought that my OMG-there’s-Kinder-chocolate-at-the-Mexican-market discovery would have become such an integral part of my life. I keep buying little fun-sized packages to snail mail to friends and family, but eat them before I get a chance to put them in the mail.
Sorry guys, I’m really trying!
I am becoming...a little cynical.
Well, maybe it’s not cynicism as much as it’s me finally growing out of my naiveté and blinding idealism. I would love for the earth to be full of rainbows and butterflies and for its inhabitants to be “all sunshine, all the time,” but I am realizing, time after time, that humans are just jerks. Unless you want to get burned over and over, you’ve got to be careful about who you trust...and that number is a lot smaller than I had originally thought.
I “hear” myself say that aloud for the first time and fear that I’m on my way to becoming a crotchety old woman. Here’s to hoping I can find a healthy balance before that truly becomes the case.
I think it’s good to do these little “self-checks” every now and again. While I don’t want to be painfully aware of my shortcomings and partially cocooned parts, self-reflection is important.
I was looking for column inspiration and ended up perusing StoryPeople’s website. The following little ditty almost perfectly describes my feelings toward “becoming”: “There are your fog people & your sun people, he said. I said I wasn’t sure which kind I was. He nodded. Fog’ll do that to you, he said.”
Here’s to those who have emerged from the fog. We are becoming sun people, a little more each day.