Sometimes it’s hard not to ‘troll’ on the Internet

Written by Abi Humber Tuesday, 24 July 2012 13:35

I try not to be a troll. I mean, I bathe regularly and keep my toenails short, and my nose isn’t that hideous. I also don’t spend my free time guarding bridges.

Additionally, I try really, really hard not to be an Internet troll.

Even if the term is unfamiliar, the concept probably isn’t: trolls are people who feel the need to voice their opinions at every possible opportunity, often starting online comment battles about things that (a) do not matter or (b) they know nothing about.

Trolls aren’t trying to spread awareness about a particular belief they hold dear, they just like to say controversial things and get people to react. They’re obnoxious and disruptive just for the sake of being obnoxious and disruptive.

Sure...

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Finding a hole at the bottom of a bucket list

Written by Abi Humber Tuesday, 10 July 2012 13:55

Once summer ends, I will begin my final year of college. This makes me feel kind of old.

At different stages of my life, always from a non-senior-in-college’s viewpoint, the seniors-in-college have seemed so put together and so, so very much older than I feel right now.

This makes me think the world must be totally changing so that each year, the seniors-in-college become significantly less and less accomplished/mature/tall/prepared/etc. Or maybe it’s just a matter of perspective, and everyone feels this way every time?

Either way, all this thinking about “the beginning of the end” makes me realize how much I still “want” to do at North Park and in Chicago. “Want” gets those quotations because it’s hard for me to...

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Friend played a key role in processing date rape

Written by Abi Humber Tuesday, 26 June 2012 18:01

As some of you may know from reading my column, I was raped in Febru­ary 2010. In case you didn’t know that, I’m sincerely sorry for dropping such heavy news out of nowhere.

For the Creative Writing Non-Fiction class in which I’m currently enrolled, I wrote a short memoir—that is, a personal essay focusing on a specific memory. Without hesitation, I chose to write about my first semester in recovery from the attack, the semester Becky Steketee happened to be interning in Chicago.

Below is an excerpt from the memoir. I had to cut a few chunks for length—including the parts where I introduce Becky as an incredible human being. But if you’d like to read the entire piece, e-mail me at abigailhumber@gmail.com and I’ll happily...

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First close encounter of the creepy-crawly kind

Written by Abi Humber Tuesday, 12 June 2012 15:57

It was my first “big girl” apartment, my first summer in Chicago, and my first night at home without my roommates. I was sitting on my bed watching “Weeds” on Netflix when, out of the corner of my eye, I detected a small movement. I managed to turn my attention from Nancy Botwin’s dramatic, suburban-drug-dealer life and fixed my eyes on the doorway.

That’s when I saw it.

A freaking centipede, scuttling along the wall above the door. I think I’ll call him Victor (with a Russian accent) because that sounds semi-sinister.

I watched that sucker make his way around the corner and onto the wall right across from my bed, then down, down, down the wall to the floor. His movements were deliberate. Victor was not taking leisurely...

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