Written by Bob Woelk Tuesday, 13 December 2011 16:36
I have discovered that one of the fun things about owning a so-called smart phone is the amazing variety of applications a person can download and use. There are apps to turn your wireless device into a flashlight, into a GPS and even into a price checker for use in your favorite grocery store.
But, with all the thousands of apps available, there is still room for more. I have some ideas for applications that are as of yet undeveloped. As least as far as I know.
WifeFinder—This app would be designed to help men find their wives in the mall or large department stores. I don’t know how she does it, but my sweetheart can be right by my side one second then all the way across the store in the blink of an eye. It often takes me 30 minutes to relocate her.
BreathChecker—Never get caught with a stinky mouth again. Breathe into your phone, and the app will rate your stench level with an accurate meter.
Deer in the Headlights Looker—Point your smart phone forward in your car, and this app will scan the road with a special deer-sensitive radar, warning you of any whitetails in the area.
Bubble Wrap app—You know how stress relieving it is to pop those bubbles in packing material. This application even comes with appropriate sounds.
ExpirationDate—This piece of phone software will scan the food in your refrigerator, looking for groceries that are too far gone to take a chance on.
Designated Undriver—People who have too much to drink can’t resist making calls. This app turns their phones into breathalyzers. A related chip installed in their cars keeps the engine from turning over in the event the blood alcohol level exceeds a safe limit. In addition, the phone automatically dials a friend to drive and the local police department.
Their Lips are Moving—How can you tell when a politician is lying? This app will instantly fact check all statements by both Democrats and Republicans.
Chill Factor app—We can get this weather information from Wichita, but being 50 miles away can change things. Hold your phone into the air, and this application will give you the current wind chill in your small town.
ILD—This is an imminent lightning detector, many times more accurate than waiting for the hair on your neck to stand up.
Solar Charger—Place your phone on the dashboard, and the sun will charge the battery. Smart phones are notorious for their power use.
FeverFactor—A husband complains of chills. His wife asks if he has taken his temperature. He, of course, says he hasn’t. All the woman has to do is call him, and his phone will report his current body temperature to her. If it is above 98.6 degrees for a programmed amount of time, the phone will automatically dial the family physician to make an appointment.
Automatic Manual—Just in time for the holidays, this app scans the device that requires some assembly and automatically downloads the manual. Of course, there is still no guarantee the man will read it.