I reviewed a whole slew of current events while preparing to write this week’s column. The idea was that somewhere amid the mass of frantic headlines there would be something of at least a little interest to pontificate on for a few hundred words.
There was the car bomb attempt that failed miserably in New York City. Apple’s iPad gadget is still the talk of the town. The 2010 World Expo opened in Shanghai, and seems to be quite the buzz. There is the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. And finally, Stephen Hawking has warned that it would be risky for anyone to attempt to make contact with him.
But none of this seemed all that exciting. At least not in comparison to the big event of this coming Sunday. That’s right, it’s Mother’s Day.
When you really start to think about it, moms don’t get nearly the credit they deserve. Let’s reference back to those current events for some examples.
Moms teach us how to be organized so that we don’t make fools of ourselves in public. Moms are responsible for providing all of our entertainment when we are children. Moms tell us everything we need to know about the world. Moms cleaned up all of our “accidents” when we were too young to have any control. And finally, moms teach us not to ever talk to strangers.
So there you have it. None of those current events seem terribly important when we realize that our moms have basically done all of that for us.
That said, instead of writing a column pointing out a series of arguments for why society should never talk to aliens (which, trust me, I’m well prepared to do), I would instead like to take this time to thank my mother—and any other mothers who might be reading this—for some of the more remarkable but underappreciated things she has done for me. Past and present.
Thank you for giving me life.
Thank you for who I am.
Thank you for not putting me up for adoption when I cried straight through the night until I was 3.
Thank you for never, never, never owning a minivan.
Thank you for instilling your values, morals and faith into my life.
Thank you for helping me when I veered way off course.
Thank you for not completely freaking out when I veered way off course.
Especially thank you for not completely freaking out when I decided to pierce my ear in high school.
Thank you for not ripping that piercing out with pliers.
Thank you for giving me clean clothes.
Thank you for feeding me.
Thank you for always making sure I looked my best, including regular haircuts.
Thank you for still cutting my hair.
Thank you for all the sacrifices you’ve made for me.
Thank you for letting me learn how to drive in your nice car even though I still go way too fast over railroad tracks and potholes.
Thank you for numerous birthday parties.
Thank you for countless birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day presents.
Thank you for making sure I never leave the house without a hug. Still.
Thank you for supporting my wide and ever-changing interests.
Thank you for forgiving all the times when I didn’t deserve a second chance.
Especially when I made you cry.
Thank you for always having time to listen.
Thank you for your willingness to help me through any situation.
Thank you for teaching me your shopping secrets to thriftiness.
Thank you for instilling the knowledge in me that a toy does not make a Happy Meal taste any better.
Thank you for letting me buy all the Teenie Beanie Babies anyway.
Thank you for always wanting to have the whole family sit down together for dinner.
Thank you for letting me go, even when you knew I might get hurt.
Thank you bandaging up the wounds when I did get hurt.
And most of all, thank you for loving me.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!