Children best taken in small doses

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 06 April 2010 18:43

The thing I like about the holidays, such as Easter, is they give my family the time-tested tradition of getting together and wishing we all had earplugs.

That’s because when we all get together, on Dad’s side at least, there are always at least six children below the age of first grade in tow.

It’s not that I don’t like them. In fact, each one is just as important to me as the next, if by “important” you mean “loud.”

But perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.

First of all—don’t get me wrong—I really do like small children, I just believe that they should be taken in small doses.

Remember that reality show called “Jon and Kate Plus 8” on TLC? I think that’s a good example of my point.

I don’t care what...

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Trip north was great, don’tcha know

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 30 March 2010 18:43

There’s a certain amount of gambling involved in being a member of the Tabor College Concert Choir.

What I’m referring to is going on tour each spring and having no idea of where I will be sleeping each night.

Over spring break this year, all 49 of us choir members loaded up on a bus and headed through Nebraska to South Dakota and Minnesota, mainly so that many of us had the opportunity to talk in silly Minnesotan accents, don’tcha know.

(That is, in addition to giving 11 concerts in 10 days.)

Actually, I have to be careful about the jokes I make about Minnesota because there are apparently people up there who—for a reason that is far beyond me—read this column.

After one concert in Minneapolis I was approached by a reader...

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Wii shall overcome past timidity

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 16 March 2010 18:43

After a nearly 20-year stint of swearing off video games, I finally gave into playing a simple little contest on Nintendo’s new Wii game system.

And I must admit: I’m beginning to feel something new transforming in my personality.

This development is so shocking you might want to sit down. If you’re sitting already, stand up and then sit back down just to be sure. OK, ready? Here it is: I’m starting to feel competitive.

Maybe I’d better explain this.

I have always been notoriously bad at being competitive. Just ask any little girl I grew up with.

When playing the stereotypical make-believe game of Prince Charming Saves the Beautiful Princess from the Evil Dragon, I—reprising my prestigious role as Prince Charming—would...

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Changes from the king of the world

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 02 March 2010 19:46

Several years ago, the Free Press editor suggested I write an if-I-were-king-of-the-world column. I never followed up on that, but recently I came to the conclusion that I have a lot of opinions.

So in that spirit, here are just a few of the laws I would enact, should I become king of the world:

• If I were king of the world, all citizens would assign a first name to their vehicle during registration.

A couple weeks ago, I ran into a woman at Wendy’s who was very excited about my columns that talk about my cars (formerly Max the Camaro and currently Dante the Stratus). She told me she also names her cars, and I told her I was glad to hear I’m not the only crazy one.

• If I were king of the world, everyone would be required to...

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