Is my virtual self more interesting?

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 31 January 2012 14:57

I got a healthy dose of reality recently when I came to realize that my virtual profile is much more significant to the world than my physical self, and I have Google to blame for it.

For those of you still operating on the Microsoft Typewriter 32BC system, let me explain that Google is the name of a software company known primarily for its Internet search engine. Or “academic research library” as the youngsters of my generation know it.

Google, I learned while listening to public radio, recently changed its privacy policy to legally enable itself to hoard every action every single user makes while on one of its services. So, for example, if you mindlessly picked your nose while updating your Blogger—a Google-owned service—page...

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A short stay on Tebow bandwagon

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 17 January 2012 15:42

My grandma likes to tell a story from her childhood years in Mountain Lake, Minn., about her mother feeding hobos.

Apparently once the bums got to town, they would find their way to my great-grandmother’s backdoor, where she would always oblige them with a meal.

The train-jumping vagabonds, it turns out, had developed a universal system of coded symbols that they would leave behind to alert other hobos to important information. A square missing its top line, for example, meant it was safe to camp in that location, while a triangle with hands signified the homeowner had a gun.

Apparently passing-through bums had left a series of marks directing others to my great-grandmother’s house, as their presence was a frequent...

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Last New Year’s trip was a ‘toss up’

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 03 January 2012 15:03

I always enjoy writing this first-column-of-the-year column because I get to create a brand-new folder on my computer to save it in. Having the fresh, empty folder reminds me of all the possibilities the new year holds, all of the joy it may bring and all of the opportunity there will be for improvement.

There isn’t a long list of resolutions for me this year, though. Last year was pretty good already, getting married and all.

But first and foremost on my list of resolutions is this: No more telling my mother-in-law to shut up.

Last year didn’t start off so well in this area, as it only took until Jan. 2 for me to commit this act against my then-fiancée’s mom. However, it’s not as bad it sounds, nor does it have as much to do...

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New tell-all book could pause Claus

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 20 December 2011 20:38

NORTH POLE—Officials at the North Pole Public Relations Office are scrambling for preemptive damage control for an event that could discredit Santa Claus and his annual mission just hours before his Christmas Eve departure

Word was received this week at the world’s holiday cheer capital that an unflattering new book titled “In the Times of Nick: The Unauthorized Biography of Santa Claus” will be available in bookstores across the globe Dec. 24; timing that officials say hits the North Pole at its weakest moment.

“To use some imagery, this caught us in the un-taped seam of gift wrap between production and delivery, with absolutely no time to seal it up,” said Deke Zehalls, the head executive at Claus’s official PR firm...

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