Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 14 February 2012 16:04Ever since the Hillsboro and Marion Chambers of Commerce held their annual meetings as a joint event last month, I’ve been thinking of more ways the two major Marion County cities could join forces for future success. The conclusion I came to was simple: Let’s just merge the two cities into one.
Implausible, you say? Perhaps. I’m no expert in the realms of economics or the legalities of stretching city limit boundaries across roughly 10 miles of sparsely populated agriculture. Yet, there may be some benefits from such a plan.
This is part one in a double-decker column that will outline some of the positive aspects I see in these two communities joining forces.
I’ll start first with the big one: small-town economy.
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 31 January 2012 14:57I got a healthy dose of reality recently when I came to realize that my virtual profile is much more significant to the world than my physical self, and I have Google to blame for it.
For those of you still operating on the Microsoft Typewriter 32BC system, let me explain that Google is the name of a software company known primarily for its Internet search engine. Or “academic research library” as the youngsters of my generation know it.
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 17 January 2012 15:42My grandma likes to tell a story from her childhood years in Mountain Lake, Minn., about her mother feeding hobos.
Apparently once the bums got to town, they would find their way to my great-grandmother’s backdoor, where she would always oblige them with a meal.
The train-jumping vagabonds, it turns out, had developed a universal system of coded symbols that they would leave behind to alert other hobos to important information. A square missing its top line, for example, meant it was safe to camp in that location, while a triangle with hands signified the homeowner had a gun.
Apparently passing-through bums had left a series of marks directing others to my great-grandmother’s house, as their presence was a frequent...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 03 January 2012 15:03I always enjoy writing this first-column-of-the-year column because I get to create a brand-new folder on my computer to save it in. Having the fresh, empty folder reminds me of all the possibilities the new year holds, all of the joy it may bring and all of the opportunity there will be for improvement.
There isn’t a long list of resolutions for me this year, though. Last year was pretty good already, getting married and all.
But first and foremost on my list of resolutions is this: No more telling my mother-in-law to shut up.
Last year didn’t start off so well in this area, as it only took until Jan. 2 for me to commit this act against my then-fiancée’s mom. However, it’s not as bad it sounds, nor does it have as much to do...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 20 December 2011 20:38NORTH POLE—Officials at the North Pole Public Relations Office are scrambling for preemptive damage control for an event that could discredit Santa Claus and his annual mission just hours before his Christmas Eve departure
Word was received this week at the world’s holiday cheer capital that an unflattering new book titled “In the Times of Nick: The Unauthorized Biography of Santa Claus” will be available in bookstores across the globe Dec. 24; timing that officials say hits the North Pole at its weakest moment.
“To use some imagery, this caught us in the un-taped seam of gift wrap between production and delivery, with absolutely no time to seal it up,” said Deke Zehalls, the head executive at Claus’s official PR firm...
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