Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 31 July 2012 13:51always look forward to the Olympic Games.
In these times so full of violence, hate, scandal, political corruption and really, really stupid children’s cartoons, it’s refreshing to see the world’s countries come together in brotherhood to participate in one of man’s most epic events, smiling warmly at each other while secretly harboring a complete and utter loathing for those other countries that think they’re so good.
Yes, it’s nice to sit down in the evening and turn the television to something other than the NCAA commanding Penn State to reseed its practice fields with poison ivy, or Obama declaring his omnipotence in the success of small businesses across America.
(Rumor also has it Al Gore invented the...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 17 July 2012 14:24I recently recalled a moment that changed my life forever.
And that moment was shortly preceded by a sound.
And that sound is spelled something like “phud.”
I was 6 years old and spending the day at the rural home of one of my farm friends. Late in the afternoon we heard there was a new baby cow at my friend’s grandparents’ farm.
I wasn’t sure why, but apparently this was a big deal.
We drove a short dirt road to the farmyard where there was, in fact, a new cow. The problem—I quickly realized—was that this baby cow had not exactly—how do I put this delicately?—passed through the Erie Canal.
Unable to blink my city-sheltered eyes, I stared in horror at the unsolicited image in front of me: Two spindly brown legs...
Written by David Vogel Monday, 02 July 2012 21:07I’ve been writing this column thing for more than 10 years now, and it occurred to me that I’ve never explained how the process works. And that just doesn’t seem fair.
Secret recipes, it seems, are a popular way for certain entities to sound mysterious and highly successful, when in fact they simply don’t want to share.
Kentucky Fried Chicken and Dr. Pepper, for instance, make a big deal out of not sharing their respective “11 herbs and spices” and “23 flavors.” It’s like standing on a deck chair on the Titanic and yelling, “Hey, guess what everybody! I have a sure-fire way to turn your second-class bedding into a floatation device! But I’m not telling how!”
Not to be rude, but it’s pretty hard to screw up...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 19 June 2012 11:34I’m losing touch with reality. Not in the psychological sense in which I might find myself helping the Pentagon crack encrypted enemy telecommunication or facing off against Batman while wearing awful clown makeup and a greasy green wig.
No, it’s much more serious than that: I’m losing touch with the world because I’m being sucked into the world of digital reality.
I’ve recently calculated that between my job, my down time, moonlighting projects, phone time and TV time, I spend about 12 hours a day looking at some sort of a LCD screen. Sometimes more.
The breaking point came when I got my iPhone.
Now, you more financially conservative readers might be asking yourself in a critical tone, “What does a 22-year-old kid just...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 05 June 2012 15:59There comes a time for every young couple when—after being “just us” for a time—they find that something in their lives is missing. It’s a need for greater responsibility. A call to reach beyond themselves. A desire to nourish and protect.
And so, like countless other couples before us, we answered the call and got a cat.
(What did you think I was talking about?)
We named our striped orange tabby Simba because—as products of the 1990s and its Disney movies—what else were we supposed to call him?
Simba arrived to us literally minutes after the Tabor College commencement ceremony ended last month, which meant that in addition to socializing at our reception, Hanna and I also had to keep a confused kitten from self...
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