Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 21 November 2007 08:30My lucky piranha head is wearing out. I don’t claim to be superstitious, but I have reason to believe that the piranha head that is hanging from the rearview mirror in my car is beginning to lose its charm.
This may sound strange to you, but I really don’t think that this is abnormal behavior. Lots of famous people have superstitions.
Winston Churchill, for example, petted black cats for good luck. Hitler planned major military battles on the seventh of the month because he favored the number 7. President Truman had a horseshoe over his office door at the White House. And Luciano Pavarotti never performed without a bent nail in his pocket.
So I would appreciate it if you would not consider it weird that I have a piranha head hanging...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 07 November 2007 13:51I’ve never been much of a fan of rap music. For some reason it’s never really appealed to me. I guess that’s because I’m not easily impressed by fast talking. Auctioneers can only be exciting for so long.
The same goes for rap music, in which people with extra large clothing and massive quantities of jewelry—which apparently is considered expensively masculine—speak incredibly quickly about dropping an item like it’s hot.
I much more prefer other genres of music. Country, for example, is one style of music that I listen to quite frequently. I think it’s because it makes me feel good about myself.
All I have to do is turn on the radio, and within seconds some poor guy is singing about how he’s got a furnished house, a...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 31 October 2007 13:11I find it amazing that our teeth don’t rebel more than they do. Think about it. Out of all of our body parts, teeth really did get the short end of the stick. They spend their entire lives inside our mouth, which is a disgusting, dark place full of saliva and left over food particles.
Besides the 30 seconds we spend brushing in the morning and before bed, they get absolutely no personal one-on-one time with us. And then, whenever we get hungry, we give them all sorts of garbage to chew on.
I can’t decide which is more cruel to our teeth, Cheetos or cream-filled chocolate Swiss rolls. On the one hand, Cheetos have about the same nutritional attractiveness of a greasy potato chip, plus a nuclear-orange “cheese” powder that...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 17 October 2007 13:22I want a Nobel prize.
No, seriously, I think I deserve one. After all, if Al Gore gets one, I think we should all be entitled to the honor.
Not that I have anything personal against Albert. But honestly, I don’t think he’s done anything terribly significant—unless you count making a fairly large sum of money from his best-selling book, “An Inconvenient Truth,” and managing to snag an Oscar award for the movie made from said book, starring, of all people, Al Gore.
For the sake of being fair, I should probably mention he was only awarded half of the prize, according to the Nobel Prize Web site. The other half went to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.
The IPCC is located in Geneva, Switzerland, which isn’t...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 03 October 2007 13:33In this week’s column, I had been planning to discuss my sure-fire plan to get the U.S. troops out of Iraq quickly. Then I realized I can barely get myself to school on time, so I decided against that.
Instead, I am going to talk about my missing spider.
About a week ago, I noticed a small spider web clinging to the sides of the paper dock of my printer. Spider webs are not an unusual occurrence in my room.
My room is in the basement, which is sort of a like a housing development for various members of the Extrarius Skeletal family, which is my made-up Latin genus name for any kind of bug that might happen to live inside my shoe at any given moment.
For about the last month and a half, I have opened my room to many homeless spiders...
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