Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 30 January 2008 10:32You may not want to read this column. Chances are it’s cursed. At least, I know I am.
I’ve never been incredibly superstitious, although I have been known to throw some salt over my right shoulder when I see the reflection in a broken mirror of a black cat running under a ladder on Friday the 13th.
Of course, I’m just kidding.
However, I think I recently jinxed myself.
If you know anything about the history of Shakespeare, you are aware that one of his plays is cursed, and that even just mentioning its name—it starts with an “M” and ends with “acbeth”—brings bad luck to yourself and anyone around you.
I made the mistake of saying the name of the play when discussing a class project with my girlfriend at a recent...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:31I think I’m supposed to die now. It would make sense, now that my life is complete.
I live with the understanding that we’re all put on this earth to accomplish a number of certain tasks, most of them probably not high on our lists, and then when we have completed these duties, we will kick the bucket.
I’m keeping an eye out for my bucket, because I think my assignments of less-than-desirable tasks have all been accomplished.
A long time ago I made a sort of pact with myself that there were two types of jobs that I would never do. One of them was wait tables. The other one was clean toilets.
I screwed up the first part of that contract when I took a job about a year and a half ago at the late Country Lakes Cafe in Marion as a...
Written by David Vogel Thursday, 03 January 2008 05:04Marie Edgeworth said, “The man who will not execute his resolutions when they are fresh upon him can have no hope from them afterward; they will be dissipated, lost and perish in the hurry and scurry of the world, or sunk in the slough of indolence.”
Although I have no idea who Marie Edgeworth is, I couldn’t agree more. And in light of this, I thought I’d look back at my columns from 2007, learn from my mistakes and create resolutions to improve myself for this coming year.
* * *
n I resolve to keep dancing. On Jan. 10, I wrote an article about a recent salsa dancing lesson I’d taken. This was a rather momentous occasion for me, because when it comes to hand-eye coordination, I’m about as suave as a Chihuahua with one of...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:41I like this time of year, because it ensures that for the next 12 months or so, our national economy will somehow stay out of the red, and that we can continue to thrive as a successful and powerful nation.
And by thrive, I mean be able to afford gasoline and milk.
This is because it’s Christmastime, which means that millions of people for almost a month now have been going out and frivolously buying completely useless items to give as gifts for the holidays.
It’s a tradition. We don’t necessarily want to get people something they’ll appreciate. We just want to be able to say, “Look, I got you a gift!”
Thankfully, I have thought up the perfect plan to cash in on this. I bet you’re going to be jealous.
My plan is based...
Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 05 December 2007 14:35Whether you’re aware of it or not, it has been nearly a year sinceour local McDonald’s shut its doors. Although I’ve missed theoccasional stop for a hamburger, I can’t say that I felt something inthe universe just wasn’t right.
That is, until two Fridays ago.
As you probably know, the Friday after Thanksgiving, also known as “Black Friday,” is a huge day for shoppers who want to get a good deal on all of their Christmas shopping. After all, nothing says, “You mean a lot to me, so Merry Christmas” like a gift purchased at under half the original cost.
Anyway, my family discovered that flat-screen televisions were on sale, so my dad and I decided to get up early and take advantage of the deal.
We decided to do this...
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