Web diagnoses can raise heart rate

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 20 November 2012 15:58

Ever since I heard the Hostess company was getting creamed by its workers’ union, I’ve been concerned about the longevity of any sort of institution we have in this nation.

I mean, if an 82-year-old company that pumps out processed puff-filled pastries can’t make it in this country, what other American icons are next to go? Baseball? Hot dogs? Apple pie? The “Twilight” film saga?

Seriously though (not really), I got to thinking about how our society would proceed without industries such as the post office or gourmet coffee shops or “American Idol.”

What would I do if I wanted to mail a super-venti blended ice caramel soy doublefrappeskimoccino latte with whipped cream and coconut shavings on top to my favorite raspy...

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The price we pay for ‘atmosphere’

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 06 November 2012 15:25

There’s a cultural understanding that says it’s OK to spend way too much money on something because you’re paying for the “atmosphere” or the “experience” or the “ability to post annoying photos of the atmosphered experience on Facebook.”

I liked to think I would never do something like that. Those people who go to exorbitant foreign spa centers to stick their feet in pools filled with tiny flesh-devouring fish that eat their dead skin cells, for example, are nuts. I’d never give in to such nonsense.

But I do. Maybe not in such an adventurous way, but I do.

I came to this realization last weekend while standing in the dark, shivering cold and hopelessly lost. For which I paid $8.

That’s because a group of...

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The eerie story of Casey and Marie

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 30 October 2012 14:25

They say you can see them on nights like tonight, when the full moon casts its haunting glow onto the quiet, deserted streets. Empty tree branches—frail fingertips grasping for some desire just out of reach—sway in the crisp, blue breeze.

And if you were so bold to want to steal a glance, you’d find yourself standing in the empty yard of the Marion County courthouse, willing the brittle blades of grass underfoot not to betray your presence.

Because it is through the rippled antique glass that the swaying shadow of the trees is not alone in movement.

No, these are the nights when the dark, abandoned halls of the old limestone building welcome two old friends. His arm cradles her waist, her hand finds solace in his.

Together they...

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Beware the virus Stultus Politica

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 16 October 2012 14:03

Researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., have confirmed the quadrennial outbreak of the American-originated virus Stultus Politica.

The epidemic is more commonly known as the presidential election.

Health specialists were tipped off to the communicative infection two weeks ago when Jim Lehrer, previously believed by experts to be extinct, emerged from a dark PBS studio just long enough to escalate the virus’s intensity.

Doctors are warning patients that this disease may be easily contracted through general social interaction, a carelessly operated television set or an open internet connection.

Though common, the virus is considered to be very dangerous to a person’s general health, and those who worry they may have...

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