Have passport, will insult- if need be

Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 04 June 2008 10:43

I really should be packing right now. Instead, I’m looking up insults.

I feel I need to be a little bit more worried about getting my luggage put together right now than I really am. By this time next week my feet will be more-or-less firmly planted in this little city you might have heard of. Paris, to be exact.

Yes, the one in France.

All sarcasm aside, I have less than a week to plan what I’ll need and get my suitcase packed before I join 25 other students from Hillsboro High School for a nine-day, whirlwind tour of Paris, Germany and the Alps.

Yet, I feel eerily calm.

There are a lot of details I have to figure out yet.

I still need to check the weather so I know what clothes to pack.

I still need to get a debit card so...

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Spiders weave their web of warning

Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 21 May 2008 07:19

Some people claim they can tell when the weather is going to change because they have some sort of “trick joint.”

“Oh man, looks like we’re in for a cold front,” they say. “My knee is acting up again.”

Of course, there is also the chance their swelling could also be called by another name—a little medical term doctors like to diagnose as “arthritis.”

By the way some people’s joints work, they are experiencing a major change in the weather up to 30 times a day.

Well, I may not have any joints equipped with Doppler Radar, but I can tell you that summer must be getting close. I know this for a fact: I just ran into a nocturnal spider web.

I can always tell when summer is coming because the spiders, who apparently...

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Hey, how did high school end without my permission?

Written by David Vogel Wednesday, 14 May 2008 09:47

The thought suddenly occurred to me sometime last week that this was it; my high school career was coming to an abrupt close without my permission and there was nothing I could do about it.

I’ve been living this year as if it wasn’t actually going to be the end of anything. Yes, I’ve been counting down the days until summer vacation, but then in another three months I would be walking right back through the doors of Hillsboro High School. A fifth-year senior.

All that time planning for college, studying for the ACT and filling out applications was merely a time-filler. College was just a daydream that seemed about as realistic as the Land of Oz, yet less plausible. But then reality struck.

Smack, it said.

I had a similar...

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Pets are the gift that keep on taking

Written by David Vogel Thursday, 08 May 2008 03:43

If you were thinking about buying stock in any large companies, I would strongly suggest getting a few shares of Petco. My reasoning is that I now own a mouse.

For those of you who don’t know, Petco is a large, franchised pet store that specializes in selling small animals that serve no real purpose in the (cue “Lion King” music) Great Circle of Life other than pooping and dying.

It is my deep belief that if it weren’t for stores like Petco, creatures such as gerbils, hamsters, small fish and assorted colorful birds would have gone extinct a very long time ago.

The store also sells reptiles, but I think this is merely a gag because I can’t imagine anyone who would voluntarily and purposely bring a snake into his or her...

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