Don\'t Ask Why
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 28 October 2008 14:24With the 2008 presidential election less than a week away, I am proud to announce that political expert Ian Cumbent is joining us for this column. He will be answering your election and political questions.
Cumbent is the author of several informative, award-winning political books, including “Just Say ‘No’ to Interns,” and “Only You can Prevent Immodest Liars.”
Cumbent will be answering all of your questions in the popular “Q & A” format.
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Q. At what point do yard campaign signs become inappropriate?
A. When promoting a particular candidate for any sort of election by placing flimsy signs in your front yard, always be aware that quantity does no ensure quality. One sign is OK, two signs is...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 14 October 2008 14:16There are a lot of things going on in the world that I could have picked for a column topic: plummeting gas prices, a suffering economy and the presidential election, to name a few.
Instead, I thought I would tell you about what I did last Friday night. Not only does this require a lot less thinking, but it also strongly reduces the risk of offending somebody.
Please don’t be jealous when you read this: Friday night I had the opportunity to sing with Michael Buble.
Right now, I imagine half of you are green with envy and the other half are asking, “Who?”
How rude of me not to introduce my guest for this week’s column.
Michael Buble (pronounced boo-blay; it’s French or Canadian or something) is a crooner who could be...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 30 September 2008 16:04Whether all the short stories attributed to Aesop are really his, it goes without saying that Aesop could be credited as one of the greatest storytellers of all time. He managed to make a point about humanity through his tales.
Here’s a fable that you’ve probably never read before, but you may find that the plot sounds vaguely familiar.
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Squirrels and chipmunks are a little different from each other, but actually originate from the same family. They share similar traits, and get along well together despite their differences.
Now in a forest, there was a tree that was home to both a small group of squirrels and a small group of chipmunks. The squirrels and chipmunks got along well amongst each other. When one...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 16 September 2008 14:40Host: For those of you just tuning in, we here at the Weather Channel just finished a riveting, uninterrupted 65-minute segment of random local forecasts for every city in the United States except yours, accompanied by riveting light jazz that is only attractive to senior citizens and sarcastic, college-aged newspaper columnists.
As riveting as that segment is, we now turn our attention to Hurricane Lloyd. As we reported earlier this evening, Lloyd has been heading for a direct collision with the Gulf Coast. We now take you live to the scene with the same reporter that we always send out because he likes to stand out in the wind.
Reporter: As you can see because I am standing out here in the middle of the street, Hurricane Lloyd is...
Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 02 September 2008 14:09I am happy to report that the Toilet Paper Fairy has followed me to college.
This was an area of major concern for me the days before moving into my dorm room. At home, when the toilet paper tube was empty, I made it my practice to just leave it there. Then, sometime between then and revisiting the bathroom a couple hours later, the Toilet Paper Fairy would have magically replaced the empty tube with a brand new roll.
I think the Toilet Paper Fairy is directly affiliated with the Tooth Fairy, who magically changes pillow-covered teeth into cash while one sleeps.
I’ve always wanted to sleep with my head under the pillow to see if the tooth fairy would exchange all my teeth for money. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it wouldn’t be...
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