Mary and Joseph stood around a lot

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 16 December 2008 13:44

I spent about 10 percent of my childhood in church, so I thought I had a pretty good grasp on the hardships that Mary and Joseph encountered on their journey to Bethlehem.

I was aware of the social awkwardness there was from Mary’s pre-wedding pregnancy. I knew about the 70-some-mile walk that the couple had to endure to get to Bethlehem. I had been taught about Joseph’s stress in trying to locate an empty room.

However, I was never told about how much standing around they actually did.

This statement is based on an experience I had last Saturday night in the Hillsboro United Methodist Church’s live drive-through (no, we could not supersize that) nativity scene.

My girlfriend, Shelby, and I played the parts of Mary and Joseph...

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Driver IQ memo: 'E' means empty

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 02 December 2008 14:22

My driver’s test never had any questions to discern whether I am smart enough to figure out when it is time to refill my tank.

And it’s a good thing it didn’t, because I would have failed.

It’s usually suggested that when the needle on the meter dips below the bottom fourth, it’s time for the driver to begin considering stopping by a gas station to fill the tank.

In fact, most new models even have a little warning tone, which conveys this message: “DING DING DING.” This is an annoying tone that could mean any number of things is wrong with your car.

“DING DING DING. Check the warning lights on your dash, you idiot.

“DING DING DING. I’m going to continue dining until you swerve this car off the road in a fit of...

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Guard dogs come in unsual styles

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 18 November 2008 14:46

I should have become more concerned when the ball python went missing.

The joys of campus living are the perpetual campus pranks that students are more actively involved in than school work.

I am referring to the incident several weeks ago when some students at Tabor College apparently decided to adopt a pet snake from the science department.

The snake, to my knowledge, has been returned. However, this doesn’t mean that petty campus crime hasn’t ceased.

Some students—and this is a 100 percent true rumor I heard—have made it a contest to see who can steal the most bikes.

No, that’s not too bad.

But when the dividers in a nearby dormitory bathroom disappeared a few days ago, I seriously began to consider my own security.

I...

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Next big issue: Thanksgiving dinner

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 04 November 2008 14:19

I think it is safe to say that we can now all move on to worrying about other things now that we are (mostly) done with all of this political—pardon my French— dunette sur un baton.

And among those “other things” is Thanksgiving.As you are no doubt aware, Thanksgiv­ing is only a couple of weeks away, so it’s time to start preparing a delectable, attractive and, most importantly, over-the-top traditional Thanksgiving dinner that you will serve to your family, friends and, a few days later, dog.

If you ever attended first grade during November, you already know how important the Thanksgiving holiday is to our nation.

The pilgrims, having landed at Plymouth Rock after a two-hour flight delay at the London Heathrow Airport...

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