Words morph beyond their intent

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 28 April 2009 13:51

I’ve had butterflies on my mind a lot the last two weeks. When you think about it, butterflies do not seem to be what Mother Nature originally intended for them to be.

I would say Mother Nature meant for them to be caterpillars; little harmless, wormlike creatures that you can either choose to observe in appreciation or simply whap off your plants’ leaves.

But caterpillars eventually morph into something completely different; something that nature didn’t appear to create them for.

That’s a little how I feel about my April 15 column, “Is Tabor breaking too many legs?”

However, I must admit, butterflies is to that column as tranquility is to whacking a hornets’ nest with a broom.

Two weeks ago, I wrote that column with...

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Is Tabor breaking too many legs?

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 14 April 2009 13:55

Let’s begin with a metaphor.

Suppose you own a horse that has broken his leg. Do you then walk over to your other horse and break his leg also?

I would venture to say that the answer is no. My guess is that you would shoot the first horse and then use the second horse to prosper with the best of his abilities.

Tabor College: you are breaking too many legs.

In a speech to the employees of Tabor College April 3, President Jules Glanzer informed the Tabor faculty and staff of the major changes that were in order for next school year. Among other adjustments, three professors and eight administrative and support staff members were released, and the computer science program was discontinued.

In this column, I will discuss both the...

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Worst part of trip still inside luggage

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 31 March 2009 14:20

I'm scared to open my suitcase.

Monday at 1 a.m. the Tabor College concert choir pulled into Hillsboro after an 11-day tour to the West Coast.

I’m very happy to be home, but I’m a little worried about what has been going on inside my luggage.

For the past week and a half, I’ve been living out of that suitcase, which means that for the last week and a half I have regularly been shifting the clean-to-dirty clothes ratio in favor of the dirty clothes.

For the record, I normally do not feel threatened by clothing. But once inside the dark, damp suitcase environment, I believe soiled clothing can easily take on a life of its own.

I’m worried that if I open it, a tentacle of dirty laundry will coil around my ankle and pull me in...

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Food should not be staring at you

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 17 March 2009 13:58

If there’s one thing I very strongly believe in, it is that food should not be recognizable. By this I mean if any body parts such as eyeballs are still present or if it still displays the basic animal shape, it is probably meant as a joke and should not be edible.

This is why I went to Red Lobster last week and ordered a steak.

Red Lobster has based its entire franchise off of this prank, and has subsequently become quite successful.

My girlfriend, Shelby, unfortunately, likes Red Lobster. This is why I was there last week.

It’s not that I have anything against seafood. I’m sure it tastes just fine.

But I feel there is something fundamentally wrong with eating something that still looks like it did when it was pulled out of...

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