Elves challenge gift-giving policy

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 18 December 2012 14:22

NORTH POLE-—Politicians from the world’s holiday headquarters will be voting later this week on a new bill that could knock the stockings off Santa Claus’s traditional gift-giving strategy.

Ike Sickel, a spokeselve for the North Pole’s left-wing Decemocratic Party, made a pointed statement to the press earlier today that the new bill will precipitate in an even distribution of presents.

“The current system of giving gifts is to award presents based on the actions a child has displayed throughout the year,” Sickel said. “It’s archaic.”

The new bill offers a solution to what some are calling the Present Present Crisis, and offers a proposed improvement to the system that Claus manages each Dec. 24.

“For far too...

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Recounting the origin of Rudolph

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 04 December 2012 18:12

Our Christmas Internet station, MCXRadio, is getting good reviews so far. (Special thanks to sponsors Rod’s Tire and Service, Hillsboro Ford and Midway Motors!) If you’re a Christmas nut like me, you’ll spend most of your day with it playing in the background.

And if you’re even more like me—heaven help you—you also like to know the background behind all of your favorite Christmas songs.

If that’s the case, make sure you “like” MCXRadio on Facebook for daily holiday music trivia. There’s a Facebook button on the bottom left corner of the MCXRadio home page for your convenience.

But before you do that, here’s a freebie: We all know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid And Donner and Blitzen...

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Web diagnoses can raise heart rate

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 20 November 2012 15:58

Ever since I heard the Hostess company was getting creamed by its workers’ union, I’ve been concerned about the longevity of any sort of institution we have in this nation.

I mean, if an 82-year-old company that pumps out processed puff-filled pastries can’t make it in this country, what other American icons are next to go? Baseball? Hot dogs? Apple pie? The “Twilight” film saga?

Seriously though (not really), I got to thinking about how our society would proceed without industries such as the post office or gourmet coffee shops or “American Idol.”

What would I do if I wanted to mail a super-venti blended ice caramel soy doublefrappeskimoccino latte with whipped cream and coconut shavings on top to my favorite raspy...

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The price we pay for ‘atmosphere’

Written by David Vogel Tuesday, 06 November 2012 15:25

There’s a cultural understanding that says it’s OK to spend way too much money on something because you’re paying for the “atmosphere” or the “experience” or the “ability to post annoying photos of the atmosphered experience on Facebook.”

I liked to think I would never do something like that. Those people who go to exorbitant foreign spa centers to stick their feet in pools filled with tiny flesh-devouring fish that eat their dead skin cells, for example, are nuts. I’d never give in to such nonsense.

But I do. Maybe not in such an adventurous way, but I do.

I came to this realization last weekend while standing in the dark, shivering cold and hopelessly lost. For which I paid $8.

That’s because a group of...

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