On the upside, wisdom helps us avoid obstacles that would have derailed us at an earlier age. We learn to rely on recognizable, early warning signals. We recall what happened the last time this experience came up.

The downside is simple. If only I could remember what those obstacles were....

Television ads zero in on aging baby-boomers in an unflattering way. The ads bluntly ask, "Do you have constipation? Do your dentures tend to fall out? Have you been lacking in vigor lately?"

To answer bluntly and in correct order:

First, no, I do not. And it's none of your business.

Second, no. I have no dentures, nor do I plan to buy any.

Third, once again, it's none of your business. I feel just fine, thank you very much.

Come on ad execs, are you that naïve? My memory must be better than yours from the looks of things. I do have a life, you know. There is more to me than a mere number on a page that gives my age, gender and potential physical ailments.

I love the outdoors and spend the majority of my waking hours in it. I eat more meals away from home than I used to.

I am not a conspicuous consumer. I own a business, travel somewhat and exercise on my own (though not enough, but would welcome encouragement here).

What other information do you need to feed your apparently inactive imagination?

Most ads on television these days focus on the 18- to 28-year-old male, considered the most impulsive and vulnerable consumer group. They enjoy video games, cool cars and clothes, not to mention an active social life.

In contrast, commercials aimed at my age group promote the benefits of drugs to cure an alleged inability for impulsivity and irregularity of all kinds.

Consider briefly, if you will, the so-called "enhancement" drugs like Cialis, Lavitra and Viagra. Their ads focus on one specific problem and offer the same cure.

Did it ever occur to the public-relations folks at these drug companies that impulsivity is a contradiction in terms when one must plan hours ahead for it?

One more thing: Notice how young the actors in the ads are. They look unconvincing to their target audience: people aged 40 and older.

The typical storyline is a vibrant, young professional executive had a tough day at the office. He needs a little "boost." Pop a little pill, and wait for the magic carpet ride for your dreams to come true.

Yeah, right. I could be his father. What are they really trying to sell here? Are they selling a drug or a lifestyle? Or perhaps both?

Stranger things happen in this world, I suppose. Perhaps younger folks do need all the help they can get. Perhaps people my age are better off, and our overall physical condition is better than the younger generation's.

In truth, that's not likely. I'm betting the lifestyle fantasy is the engine to create the need for the drug.

Besides, when the opportunity for impulsivity presents itself-usually under duress, I might add-would anybody at any age be ready?

Only then is there a legitimate need for a drug like this.

Another thing, drug advertisers need to be more creative with the names of drugs. Take, for instance, the now familiar drug called Zelnorm. Was that penned by someone while floating on a bed of Zoloft?

I wrote down all the names of drugs I saw on television one night. Then I wrote down all the names of herbicides and pesticides I could recall. I found an interesting pattern. For the most part, herbicide and pesticide names made sense, even when they were parts of two words combined.

Atrazine, for instance, makes sense to me and sounds right.

Perhaps my bias is showing, since I know what Atrazine does.

On the other hand, names for prescription drugs seemed to suggest a lofty state of being.

For instance, consider the drug Nexium. Is it near the nexus of the universe? I can relate to herbicide names like Callisto, Quilt, Marksman and Banvel.

But, Nexium?

One could have fun mixing and matching the names of drugs and herbicides, and manufacture fictitious uses for them for people my age.

A few examples:

-- Valium and Credit Extra, a herbicide, could be a new drug/herbicide marketed under two different labels: Wait-a-Sec and Idon-care.

Nobody knows how the herbicide works. Additionally, the lengthy lead-time for the drug/herbicide to take affect is of no consequence. More importantly, it doesn't matter anymore.

-- When combined, Maalox and Bicep II Magnum, now marketed as M&M II, produces a powerful, soothing effect in the stomach while eliminating unsightly hair around the face, mid-section and underarms. The treatment lasts for three months or three stress periods, whichever comes first.

One note of caution, however. You may experience an unusual side effect, such as the need to triple rinse your mouth after taking the dosage orally.

-- Vioxx and an insecticide, Poncho, are reformulated and labeled as Poncho Vio. It provides fast-acting, yet systemic relief of arthritis, is guaranteed to control insect larvae, lice and flees for up to three weeks.

Potential side effects may include a laid-back attitude, healthier skin due to lack of scratching and an increased appetite for Tex-Mex food.