Tears welled up in my eyes last week as I read a recent legal notice, Charter Ordinance No. 14 published in the Free Press Extra.

The stately prose, beginning with, "A Charter Ordinance amending number 11 of the City of Hillsboro, Kansas originally exempting the city from the provisions of K.S.A. 12-1758 and providing substitute provisions therefore," was so elegant, that it put the Great Books to shame.

I can easily imagine the impact it had on other citizens. Doubtless at the retirement center, folks were saying, "Turn off that 'Wheel of Fortune' show and gather round. Listen up! This legal notice goes on to state, 'Whereas, the governing body of the City finds and determines it necessary and advisable to amend Charter Ordinance number eleven of the city.'"

The growing hubbub caused some to reach for their heart medications to control their excitement; others began to reminisce about great legal notices from the past.

Doubtless at the American Legion Post, men put on their bifocals and silently read, "Now, Therefore be it ordained by the governing body of the City Hillsboro, Kansas, as follows:"

I imagine them saying, "I remember the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution that got me sent to Vietnam and you probably remember the U.N. resolution that got us into Korea, but these words seem far more important. Do you think this means war?"

Over at the kindergarten class, children listened attentively as their teacher read, "The city by ordinance may create a public building commission, (the 'Commission') for the purpose of acquiring a site or sites within Marion County, Kansas, (the 'County') for construction, reconstruction, equipping and furnishing a building or buildings or other facilities of a revenue enhancing character."

The children squealed with delight. "This is so much more fun than listening to that dumb Dr. Seuss. We want to hear more!"

They promised they would take their naps without complaint and even forgo milk and cookies and play nicely with each other all week if only the entire legal notice were read to them again-but this time in its entirety.

The Ministerial Alliance, at its monthly meeting, nearly had a controversy over the sentence, "Any revenue bonds proposed to be issued by a public building commission created by the City shall be issued as provided in K.S.A. 10-1201 et seq. and amendments thereto."

There was agreement by all that this was clearly the text for all Sunday sermons. But those inclined to scholarship wanted to translate it into Greek and parse the verbs.

Others thought the entire text would fit well into an original oratorio in the tradition of Charles Ives for a community concert. A few wanted to reduce it to a more simple rhythm and use it as praise music.

Some, thinking outside the box, suggested it be read four times a day as an alternative use of the bell carillon. (Others thought this too nearly resembled the Muslim call to prayer.)

A motion to request the authorities to publish a Braille version to ensure that every citizen could have equal access to these documents was passed and seconded.

The editors of the newspapers in the county struggled with how best to share this document. Some thought it should be printed in large type on the front page with bold headlines. Others thought it could be done on glossy paper with appropriate calligraphy and made suitable for framing.

"So many people already have these legal notices embroidered and hanging over their couch already," one mused.

"How can we involve those not involved in needlework?"

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