Claus has spent most of his 1,600 years making the holidays brighter for good boys and girls around the world. Estimated as being worth an infinitive amount of money on Forbes.com, making him the richest man alive, Claus has devoted every day of the year to create that special magic that can only happen on Christmas.

Born in Myra, Anatolia-now southwestern Turkey)-Claus knew from a young age that he had the gift of giving. When old enough, he gained weight, grew a beard, and moved to a city in the North Pole-a small, failing ice-mining town, inhabited by hundreds of small elves. He quickly set up shop, hiring every citizen in the area to work in his workshops.

Claus also set out to find the best form of transportation for getting him to every home on the globe in one night. He found his answer almost literally in his own backyard.

A special species of flying reindeer-some having a rare gene that causes the nose to have a red glowing sensation-that can only be found in the most secluded parts of the North Pole, also where Claus's workshops are located, were his favorite choice.

He has always made it a point never to divulge the secret to his incredible reindeer. Recently, Santalogists have come up with a theory on how the reindeer really do fly.

In one of the earliest (1822), and most well known accounts of seeing Claus (referred to as "St. Nick"), the journalist, Clement C. Moore, record the following:

"When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.... More rapid than eagles his coursers they came.... As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the house-top the coursers they flew...."

Although he didn't realize it, Moore gave today's Santalogists some very good clues as to how they flew. Moore described the creatures as being tough, tiny, shaggy and native to the farthest of the far north; a perfect description of Peary caribou.

"It's a strange little deer," said Jean Gull Bell, a reindeer specialist. "A lot of people don't understand it, and therefore don't believe in it. A Peary weighs only 150 pounds; that's where the 'eight tiny reindeer' thing comes from.

"What mystique they possess is attributable to their exotic looks, to their elusiveness and to the quasi-spiritual regions where they dwell," she added.

As for how the animals actually fly, the theory continues with something called "Bernoulli's Principle," which has to do with air rushing over a flat surface, thus creating lift and loft. The needed flat surface is the massive shelf of the Peary antler.

"The perfect rack acts as a big mainsail, lifting the beast heavenward," Bell said. "With nine sails out and a takeoff speed of about 800 mph at the end of the runway, Santa's team would have liftoff power equivalent to several jet planes; and it would be about a hundredth the size of a Boeing 747."

Yet, even with Claus's very creative, yet practical, ways of doing things, the recent past has included some major changes on how things are done at the North Pole. This has upset-and even changed-the future of elves and reindeer alike. Perhaps the largest change is how toys are manufactured.

Up until this year, all toys coming out of the North Pole toy factories have been hand made by Claus's elves. The fact that every elf in the North Pole who wanted a job could get one made the Arctic economy very stable. Now, with the installation of AuToy, a new automated assembly line for toys, many elves have been put out of jobs.

"It is simply a more sufficient way of producing our products," said Harold Engel, supervisor of all the factories in the North Pole. "Mr. Claus and I both agreed that it was a better alternative than what we have had in the past. Not only will we be able to produce more toys in a short amount of time, but we won't have to deal with those few elves who think they could run this operation better."

Pickettes-a vertically-challenged form of picketing-quickly broke out outside the toy workshops where the new machines were running. The signs they carried obviously showed their feelings toward the new assembly line: "This Christmas is the First NoElf."

"It isn't fair in two ways," said Holly Barry, a now fired, long-time elf employee. "First, some of us have been working here for over 1,000 years. We've begun to take this job for granted. Many elves now have nowhere to turn. We could all return to what this town was originally founded for, mining ice. But what good is that now that almost everyone has a freezer in their home? Also, it technically isn't legal, as our contracts clearly stated that at no time would we be forced to quit working."

Jiff Wrapt, the North Pole's legal adviser, agreed with Barry's last statement. Upon studying a sample employee contract, he said "It says right in here the Santa Clause #182 that 'at no time shall any employees be forced to give up their job.'"

However, Claus himself disagrees.

"When we told our employees that we were going to discontinue hand-making the toys, we offered them jobs as supervisors of the assembly line, or a totally paid for retirement."

Many of the elves have reluctantly accepted one of the two offers, but most are still upset of the taking of a job they loved.

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixon, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolf also have the same feelings as many of the elves.

This Christmas, Claus will be flying around in a completely new sleigh that does not require reindeer.

Oh yeah, it's got a Hemmy.

The new sleigh also comes equipped with a high-tech GPS system.

"Although I love all my reindeer dearly, I always came home with a sore throat on Christmas Day because whenever I wanted to take off for another house, I had to say 'On Donner, on Blitzen...'-you know the drill," Claus said. "Now, all I have to say is 'OnStar,' and I'm set to go!"

None of the reindeer were available for comment, but one elf who passes by the stables said he noticed Rudolph's nose hadn't been shining quite as much.

In addition to these two upgrades at the North Pole, Claus has also launched a series of 30 satellites set to track the behavior of every child in the world, and record all negative acts that kids make. These satellites are called Naughty Nappers.

"It will make it easier to get an accurate reading on whether the consumer has been naughty or nice," Claus said. "Hopefully, we can fix a few mix-ups we had last year, like the one with that David kid in Hillsboro."

With the growing population of children in the world, Claus plans to send out a few more satellites next year.

Also, with the increasing number of kids it has become harder for Claus to reach every child in just one night. Some of the North Pole's brightest science-elves have cracked a code to make something that seemed physically impossible, possible.

"Quantum physics allows for an unending number of 'alternative worlds,'" said Dr. Gregg Nog, the head science-elf. "These co-existing dimensions run on a different time frame, therefore Christmas happens on a different day in each dimension. Now that we have proven our Infinite Santa theory to be true, we can get a few Santas out of different dimensions to help out at all the Christmases."

This also explains all those mall Santas.

"These upgrades we've made on the holidays will hopefully make things run a little smoother," Claus said. "There is conflict with any kind of change, but I think things will turn out better sooner or later. If you need some good ice, it's only a sleigh-ride away."

Claus concluded: "Get to bed early on the 24th, I'll be there. Merry Christmas!"

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UFO: What you didn't get read in the article: Santa's helpers can also be called "subordinate clauses."

Don't ask why!