The other day I was thinking about the fact that another year is about to come to a close. It's been quite a year, what with the divisive presidential election, the brutal hurricane season and Oprah giving away all those cars.

Makes a person wonder what we can expect in 2005. I have no idea, but I think I can venture a guess or two about headlines that we won't be reading during the next calendar year. Or will we?

-- BTK DOA at HCA. UPI reports the infamous killer apparently choked on a BLT and died when no one would perform CPR. FYI: He apparently had a low GPA and never learned his ABCs. The FBI and KBI used DNA evidence found in his GTO to provide the ID, according to the CSI unit of the WPD.

-- Secret NASCAR report: Famous driver was gay. Ex-fans scrambling to remove tattoos, pickup truck bumper stickers.

-- Chiefs win Super Bowl XXXVIII. More than LVI percent of Americans have no clue how many years the Roman numeral XXXVIII represents.

-- Post-election study reveals some people who did not vote for George W. Bush actually attend church and have...gasp...morals.

-- Full-time college student graduates in only eight semesters.

-- Disney has done it again. The film-making giant plans to release a movie on DVD before it opens in theaters. An official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity and with a high, squeaky voice, said, as it is, the time span between the debut of a film on the big screen and when it hits the store shelves in video format has become so short people can practically buy a copy on their way home from the theater.

-- Central Kansas real estate agent becomes first to have cellular phone surgically attached to right ear. Wearer of the new device could not be reached for comment, having last been seen entering the wireless black hole between Lehigh and Goessel.

-- Hillsboro High School Scholars' Bowl team member breaks Ken Jennings' record for consecutive wins on "Jeopardy" (Note: While the team is tearing up the competition this year, high school students are not eligible to compete for cash prizes).

-- Repair job on U.S. Highway 50 declared finished. Thrilled drivers vote the concrete thoroughfare, especially the section through Marion and Harvey counties, "Smoothest Road in America."

-- Hillsboro leaders announce plans for new theme park, Six Flags over Menno Simons, to be located north of town. A representative from each existing entertainment venue in the city was invited to a special meeting to discuss possible impact such a plan would cause. The hearing was cancelled, however, because he was out of town that night. Possible attractions at the proposed park include a double-looped roller coaster called The Zwiebach and a water park in which participants can have a choice between being dunked or running under a sprinkler.mons, to be located north of town. A representative from each existing entertainment venue in the city was invited to a special meeting to discuss possible impact such a plan would cause. The hearing was cancelled, however, because he was out of town that night. Possible attractions at the proposed park include a double-looped roller coaster called The Zwiebach and a water park in which participants can have a choice between being dunked or running under a sprinkler.